What to Say to a Depressed Person

What to say to a depressed person…at least give them emotional support, even if it’s a stranger. I always got “smile” or “cheer up.” Yeah, that made me feel better! It made me feel worse, like I was the one causing the depression.

I was depressed, and nothing anyone told me made me feel better off. I lost all my friends in the process. But, years later, I brought myself out of it. I stopped playing the depressed victim, and started living my life again.

Those who did try to help me, I thank you. For all those wasted years, I was stuck on the wrong side of the road. I could see and wanted to be on the other side where there was happiness and peace of mind, but it took many years to reach it. But I’m glad I finally made it.

“Sometimes, it’s okay if the only thing you did today was breathe.” – Anonymous

Don’t say this to someone with depression

Don’t tell someone who is depressed to “cheer up” or “it isn’t that bad.” You’re not validating their feelings. What they are feeling is very real. They need someone to comfort them and listen to them openly.

“Just snap out of it.” is another one. Easier said, then done. Depression likes to hang around as long as possible. It’s not like in a split second you can be happy again. Sometimes, it takes years to feel like yourself again.

“It’s all in your head” is also a good one. This one definitely makes you feel like you’re making it up. Just get out of your head and you will be fine. I’m sorry, this one kind of pisses me off. That’s like telling someone with epilepsy to stop having seizures.

Begin trust-building if you don’t know them

This is very important when you don’t know them. Why would they trust a stranger? They’re not going to trust you with their deepest profound feelings, especially if they’re suicidal. You have to earn their trust to communicate openly.

Build trust by asking them simple questions, like what’s their name or where are they from? Just some small talk to get to know them. As the banter progresses, you might ask them how long have they been feeling depressed?

With each question, push just a little further towards why they are depressed. Once you feel you have gained enough trust with them, ask them if they plan to do themselves harm? I wished someone was around me to ask those types of questions.

“There is hope, even when your brain tells you there isn’t.” – John Green

What to say to a depressed friend

These are the following suggestions of what to say to someone experiencing depression:

I am here for you; you are not alone.
You don’t have to say a thing, but if you want to talk, I am always here to listen.
I will not judge you; I care about you.
You don’t have to apologize.
I am really sorry you are going through this; it must be difficult for you.
What can I do to help?
What have you tried in the past that has helped?
Let’s explore what options are available to help.
Be kind to yourself.
Don’t give up.

Have patience with a depressed person

Patience is a virtue, as they say. It goes a long way when speaking to a person who is depressed, because it may be difficult for them to express their feelings. Sometimes, those feelings are so dark that they don’t want to admit it.

I know when I confided about being suicidal, I was afraid to go to the hospital. It was the best place for me, but I still didn’t want to be locked up. So, sometimes they might not admit their true feelings right away.

Also, they might deny how they feel. When you are in a depression, many thoughts go through a person’s mind. They may wonder how this happened. Like I mentioned, if they’re in a dark place, they may try to deny those feelings. Help them get to a hospital.

Give hopeful messages

Sometimes, just hearing someone cares is enough to get on the path of recovery. Here are some messages:

“You are not alone in this. I’m here for you, no matter what.”
“It’s okay to feel this way. Your feelings are valid, and you don’t have to face them alone.”
“You are stronger than you think, even if it doesn’t feel that way right now.”
“This is a tough chapter, but it’s not the whole story. Brighter days are ahead.”
“Take things one step at a time. Healing is a journey, and it’s okay to go at your own pace.”

Comforting phrases

Here are some phrases to help them understand you are trying to help them:

You matter so much to me and to the world. Your presence makes a difference.”
“It’s okay to ask for help. You don’t have to carry this weight by yourself.”
“Even on the darkest days, the sun is still there, waiting to shine again.”
“You’ve made it through hard times before, and I believe in your ability to get through this too.”
“I see your strength, even when you don’t. You’re doing the best you can, and that’s enough.”

“Give yourself another day, another chance. You will find your courage eventually.” – Anonymous

Gentle advice

If you give them advice, make sure it’s gentle. Suggest several ideas to help them see that their life can improve with an effort to overcome the depression. Reinforce that they are loved and cared about.

I was living alone, and I didn’t reach out to family when the depression was at its strongest. If I had someone give me advice, I don’t think it would have lasted as long as it did. I let myself deal with it on my own, which wasn’t the smartest thing to do.

I was in and out of the hospital. Furthermore, I had bipolar, so I also had manic episodes. Oh, I can’t forget, episodes of schizophrenia started to manifest. I was a mess. So, if I had had one friend give me advice, it probably wouldn’t have happened all at once like it did.

Give them respect

Respect goes a long way. When they trust you, the communication opens up more freely. Also, when you respect them and their feelings, you’re solidifying a road of deep trust. It is the road to recovery.

These are all the things I wished I had when I was depressed (or even manic). I felt lost in this great big world. So, I felt like it was going to swallow me up at any minute. I had a therapist, but I kept lying to her, telling her I was OK.

Respect from someone would have made a big difference. I would have felt finally someone gets me. Someone’s here to help me get through this awful time. But I chose the lonely road and paid dearly for it.

Be non-judgmental

Being non-judgmental means being there for the person without having any preconceived ideas about them. Some people think you’re just being lazy, even though you have no energy to do anything. Depression literally zaps the energy out of you.

If it is a parent who has a child with depression, don’t compare them to their siblings. Don’t say “why can you be more like your brother or sister?” That just piles on the worthlessness that they’re already feeling.

This world passes a lot of judgment on people, especially those with mental illness. If the world was a little less judgmental, those with depression would be alive today. So many people die by suicide, because so many people jump to conclusions, and think they’re right.

“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Sum It All Up

To truly help someone who is depressed, respect the person, don’t be judgmental, to name a few. These things are important, because they set the basis for open communication with the depressed person.

If they express thoughts of harming themselves, let them know you are there for them, and gently suggest they seek help in a hospital setting where they can be monitored. They might resist, but tell them that you will be at their side to help them.

If the depressed person is a stranger, build to gain their trust by telling them you are there to help, and you care about their well-being. You may have just made another friend. Peace and love. Until next time…