I bet you’ve never heard of anaclitic depression. So what could it be? Unfortunately, infant depression and childhood depression occur when they experience prolonged emotional hardship, like losing a primary caregiver. It can impact their emotional development and have lasting effects.

I don’t remember some of my childhood, because of the ECT treatments (that’s another post). Although I do remember bits and pieces of it. My first grade teacher abused me. I was also extremely shy, so much as I wouldn’t defend myself against bullies.

I never felt a truly close relationship with my mother. She was always so distant, like she had other things on her mind. I know she had mental health issues. On the outside, it looked like we were close, but in the inside I was crying for help.

“Anaclitic depression is the silent pain of a child’s soul, crying out for the warmth of love and connection.”

Anaclitic depression causes

AccoAnaclitic depression is often caused by being separated from a primary caregiver, usually the mother, during the first year of life. It can also happen due to emotional deprivation, neglect, or having a caregiver who isn’t consistently reliable.

Emotional neglect in children

Emotional neglect in children can have devastating effects on them in the near future into adulthood. Parents or caregivers should never neglect their child, especially emotional neglect.

I felt emotionally detached from my mother. Not that I didn’t love her, I felt like she was so far away from me, that I couldn’t reach her. I had a few other problems surface as I grew up. This is where anaclitic depression began to manifest.

So, emotionally neglecting your child is so harmful to the child, which is more than you can imagine. You’ve destroyed their sense of trust in others. They don’t know how to appropriately form relations with other people.

Anxious Attachment Style

People with a preoccupied or anxious attachment style may be more likely to experience anaclitic depression. It is often related to a strong need for reassurance and confirmation from others, making them particularly vulnerable to the loss of a relationship.

This anxious attachment destroyed my relationships. I’ll admit it, I was too clingy. I was afraid of losing people in my life. I became a people-pleaser. Hence now, why I don’t have any friends.

Parental Mental Health Issues

When a caregiver is dealing with depression, anxiety, or other mental health challenges, it can be harder for them to give the emotional support and attention a child needs. This might leave the child feeling a bit neglected or emotionally distant.

Like I mentioned earlier, my mother had several mental illnesses. I didn’t know this growing up until my teenage years. I’m sure I wouldn’t have understood them in my earlier years.

“The scars of emotional neglect, like those of anaclitic depression, often run deeper than we can immediately see.”

Symptoms of withdrawn behavior in children

Social Symptoms

Avoidance of Interaction

The child may avoid eye contact, physical touch, or interaction with caregivers and peers. I always looked down at the ground when talking to someone. If I did make eye contact, it was for a half of a second. Also, I don’t like people touching me. It makes me feel defensive.

Clinginess

In some cases, the child may become overly clingy to a specific caregiver, fearing further separation. I was very clingy to everyone who people I put on a pedestal. I began suffocating those people to the point where they walked out of my life. Now, years later, I’m left with no one.

Behavioral Symptoms

Reduced Expressiveness

Limited facial expressions, such as smiling or laughing, and a generally flat affect. I never showed emotions, because I was afraid to. I didn’t want to be hurt anymore, especially by the other kids in my class.

Self-Soothing Behaviors

Repetitive actions like rocking, thumb-sucking, or head-banging as a way to self-comfort. My repetitive action was thumb-sucking. For some reason, it made me feel calm. I also did the head-banging, but that didn’t last that long because of the headaches.

Difficulty Trusting

Hesitation or fear when interacting with new people or environments. I still have that to this day, it’s called social anxiety. I don’t like being around strangers, I feel like everyone is looking at me.

Resistance to Comfort

The child may resist being comforted or held, even when upset. I don’t like being held, it makes me vulnerable. I’ve learned over the years not to need anyone, because they all just walk away when asked for help.

Emotional loss

Emotional loss can have several meanings according to anaclitic depression. Losing a parent to trauma or mental illness is difficult for a child to understand. There is a void that is hard to fill.

While my mother dealt with her own demons, I was fighting my own. When I was sixteen, I was diagnosed with severe depression. I tried to take my life several times, and blamed my mom for everything. Even though she was seeing a psychiatrist, he didn’t help her much.

I don’t remember if she was taking meds or not. All I knew was her erratic behavior. So, when I turned eighteen, I left. I didn’t talk to her for several years, until I was getting married. She seemed to come out of her psychotic episodes to see me walk down the aisle.

“The echoes of unmet attachment in infancy often resonate loudly through the chambers of anaclitic depression.”

Dependency in depression

A need for validation and fear of abandonment can make independent decision-making difficult, leading to a strong reliance on others. This dependency often stems from low self-esteem and a desire to maintain close relationships, sometimes at the expense of personal needs.

Here’s a more detailed look at the different facets of dependency in the context of depression:

1. Need for External Confirmation and Reassurance:

People going through depression might feel a stronger need for confirmation and reassurance from others, which can make decision-making or acting independently more challenging.
This might look like constantly asking others for advice or feeling unable to disagree with them because you’re worried about their approval.
It often comes from low self-esteem and a belief that they can’t make good decisions or take care of themselves.

2. Fear of Abandonment and Need for Close Relationships:

Depression can sometimes come with a stronger fear of being left out and a deep need for close connections.
This can lead to clingy behaviors, seeking lots of reassurance, and quickly jumping into new relationships after a previous one ends.
This fear often stems from past experiences of loss or rejection, making it even more important to seek support and reassurance from others.

3. Inability to Function Independently:

Dependency can also show up as having trouble functioning independently, where someone might find it challenging to manage daily tasks or responsibilities without a bit of extra help.
This can happen when someone struggles with low self-esteem and feels unsure about their ability to manage things on their own.
This can sometimes lead to avoiding personal responsibilities and leaning on others to make decisions for them.

4. Codependency:

Codependency is a pattern of behavior where someone’s self-worth becomes deeply tied to making others happy or feeling in control. It can sometimes show up as part of depression, creating challenges that are tough but not impossible to overcome.
Codependent individuals often sacrifice their own needs to maintain relationships and avoid conflict, which can lead to feelings of resentment and depression.

5. Relationship to Self-Criticism:

Studies suggest that both dependency and self-criticism can be associated with depression, and they may even be linked in the development and maintenance of depressive symptoms.
Self-criticism can feel like a way to blame yourself, while dependency often means relying on others for validation and reassurance. Both can take a toll on your self-esteem and lead to negative thoughts.

“Every tear of anaclitic depression is a call for love, a plea for belonging, and a lesson on the fragility of early bonds.”

Treatment for anaclitic depression

What is the best natural antidepressant?

Some promising natural options include:

saffron, according to a review by Medical News Today, a study from Healthline

St. John’s Wort, as WebMD notes,

Omega-3 fatty acids, according to a Mayo Clinic article

folate (Vitamin B9), according to a study by Suruchi Chandra MD

SAMe as mentioned by Camino Recovery.

It’s crucial to discuss any natural supplements or treatments with a doctor before starting them, as they may interact with medications or have side effects.

boy in black and white sweater covering his face with his tow hand

Does magnesium help with depression?

Yes! Studies show that magnesium supplements can help ease symptoms of depression, especially if your magnesium levels are lower. However, when I tried it for several months, I didn’t see any improvement.

I also tried it for my insomnia, but it didn’t help there either. I’ve tried several times to retake it, but it again and again it didn’t help, so I gave up. I had heard so much good about it, I wanted to try it.

It might have just been my body not responding to it. That has happened with other meds. I kept trying though.

Dependency-focused therapy

This focuses on tackling challenges like relying too much on others and struggling with independence. It’s all about helping individuals build self-confidence, assertiveness, and healthy boundaries, while encouraging a strong sense of independence.

This therapy has helped me build my self-confidence over the years. I can be assertive and say “no” when others cross my boundaries. All those years, I relied on other people to make me happy, but it was from within all this time.

“Attachment builds resilience, while its absence can pave the way for the fragile voids of anaclitic depression.”

Sum it all up

I’ve come to terms with blaming my mother for all my problems back then. It is what it is. I think I turned out pretty well through all the hardships I endured. I believe hardships make you a better person.

It’s what you learn from those hardships that make you stronger. Some people have had it far worse than what I’ve endured, so I consider myself lucky. Although, I never thought I would be at peace with my past.

Some children aren’t as lucky as me. They suffer because of tragedy and never recover. They live their life in fear of losing someone else they love. That’s no way for a child to live. A child should be a child, and not live with anaclitic depression. Peace and love. Until next time…