Navigating Relationships with Anxious Attachment Style

I had one friend in my past who I idolized. Hence, I thought she was the perfect friend. Needless to say, she ended the friendship because I was very clingy back then. I desperately wanted a best friend at the time.

Actually, I wanted anybody to be my friend. Because I felt so all alone and just miserable. I believe that’s when the depression started and the many mental illnesses followed after that.

Navigating relationships with anxious attachment Style. Anxious attachment style is a way of developing relationships that can cause people to struggle to feel secure.

At length, people with this style may worry that their partners or friends don’t love them, and have low self-esteem.

They may also have a fear of rejection or abandonment, and need approval from others to feel validated.

People with anxious attachment styles may also be more prone to codependent tendencies, and often become very distressed when relationships end.

4 Attachment Style Types

At this point, the concept of navigating relationships with anxious attachment styles grew from attachment theory and the research that emerged throughout the 1960s and 1970s.

Today, psychologists typically recognize four main attachment styles: secure, ambivalent, avoidant, and disorganized.

  Secure Attachment Characteristics

Consequently, mothers who respond inconsistently or who interfere with a child’s activities tend to produce infants who explore less, cry more, and are more anxious. On the other hand, mothers who consistently reject or ignore their infant’s needs tend to produce children who try to avoid contact.

As Children

Separates from parent
Seeks comfort from parents when frightened
Greets return of parents with positive emotions
Prefers parents to strangers

Specifically as adults, securely attached people tend to have trusting, long-term relationships. Other key characteristics of securely attached individuals include:

As Adults

Having high self-esteem
Enjoying intimate relationships
Seeking out social support
An ability to share feelings with other people

   Ambivalent Attachment Characteristics

   
Contrarily, these children display considerable distress when separated from a parent or caregiver but do not seem reassured or comforted by the parent's return.

Therefore, in some cases, the child might passively reject the parent by refusing comfort or may openly display direct aggression toward the parent.

          As Child

          May be wary of strangers
          Become greatly distressed when parents leave
          Do not appear comforted when parents return

As Adults

Reluctant to become close to others
Worry that their partner does not love them
Become very distraught when relationships end

Avoidant Attachment Characteristics

Navigating relationships with anxious attachment styles. However, these children might not reject attention from a parent, but neither do they seek out comfort or contact. Concurrently, children with an avoidant attachment show no preference between a parent and a complete stranger.

As Child

May avoid parents
Do not seek much contact or comfort from parents
Show little or no preference for parents over strangers

As Adults

May have problems with intimacy
Invest little emotion in social and romantic relationships
Unwilling or unable to share thoughts or feelings with others

Disorganized Attachment Characteristics

Subsequently, these children are described as displaying dazed behavior, sometimes seeming either confused or apprehensive in the presence of a caregiver.

At Age 1

Show a mixture of avoidant and resistant behavior
May seem dazed, confused, or apprehensive

At Age 6

May take on a parental role
Some children may act as a caregiver toward the parent

Anxiety and Attachment

Adults with navigating relationships with anxious attachment styles are often afraid of or even incapable of being alone. Therefore, they seek intimacy and closeness and are highly emotional and dependent on others. The presence of the loved one appears to be a remedy for their strong emotional needs.

Anxious Attachment Causes

Due to having an anxious attachment can make it difficult to cope with stress and change. You might have trouble with romantic relationships, friendships, and other relationships.

Generally, anxious or disorganized attachments are more likely to happen from:

Firstly, trauma
Neglect
Early separation from parents
Fourthly, long hospitalization
Inconsistency in parenting and emotional response
A caregiver with depression
Lastly, an inexperienced mother

Anxious Attachment Style Symptoms

If you had troubles in your early childhood, as an adult you might not trust others. You might have an anxious attachment if you:

Firstly, are afraid of emotions, intimacy, and emotional closeness
Want to pull away when a person gets needy
Are independent and don’t need others
Fourthly, disregard other people’s feelings
Might not have boundaries
Need constant reassurance
Additionally, are needy or clingy
Become obsessed or overly fixated on someone
Crave intimacy but can’t trust others
Lastly, are anxious or jealous when you’re away from your partner

Anxious Attachment Theory

Furthermore, anxious attachment theory is based on the idea that a child’s early relationship with their caregivers forms how they approach social interactions. Also, relationships throughout life. Anxious attachment style can develop in childhood when a child’s primary caregiver is present and then suddenly absent. This can lead to feelings of insecurity and abandonment. Also, it can manifest in interpersonal relationships. People with anxious attachment may:

Firstly, want to be close with others but are afraid that people don’t want to be with them
Have low self-esteem
Find it difficult to trust people
Fourthly, experience overwhelming insecurity about their relationships
Exhibit jealousy, possessiveness, and a constant need for reassurance
Become overly fixated on the other person in an intimate relationship
Finally, find it difficult to observe boundaries, viewing space between you as a threat

Fearful Avoidant Attachment

Individuals with fearful avoidant attachment are a combination of the preoccupied and dismissive-avoidant styles of insecure attachment. In brief, they believe they are unlovable and also don’t trust other people to support and accept them. Because they think others will eventually reject them, they withdraw from relationships.

At the same time, however, they strongly desire intimacy because the acceptance of others helps them feel better about themselves. People with a fearful-avoidant attachment style want love, closeness, and connection, yet they fear and avoid it.

Particularly, fearful-avoidant attachment can lead to behavior that may be confusing to friends and romantic partners. People with this style may encourage closeness at first and then emotionally or physically retreat when they start to feel vulnerable in the relationship.

Given these points, people with fearful avoidant attachment want to form strong interpersonal bonds but also want to protect themselves against rejection. Therefore, this leads them to seek out relationships but avoid true commitment or to leave as soon as a relationship gets too intimate.

The belief that others will hurt them and that they can’t measure up in a relationship lead those with a fearful-avoidant attachment to have a range of issues.

Healing Anxious Attachment

In any case, here are some strategies that may help heal anxious attachment:

Practice mindfulness: This can include meditation, zen coloring, or progressive muscle relaxation exercises
Take control of your life: Avoid trying to please others, and focus on your own life
Set boundaries: Express your needs and emotions clearly and respectfully
Learn to recognize your triggers: Understand your past experiences and attachment theory
Practice self-love: Build your self-esteem and learn to express your needs authentically
Externalize your feelings: Remember your worth, and gain command over your thinking patterns

Anxious Attachment Friends

Anxious attachment style, also known as preoccupied attachment style, can cause people to become overly dependent on their friends for emotional support. They may also worry about their loved ones abandoning them, and may:

Firstly, seek reassurance
Make many bids for connection and attention
Push people away
Lastly, become jealous or possessive if their friends start spending time with other people

This need for constant attention can get overwhelming for their friends, causing these friends to withdraw. Hence, this confirms the anxious person’s fears that everyone will leave them.

In essence, here are some signs of an anxious attachment style:

quadruple texting your friends
Worrying they might not really like you
Being overly vulnerable with people you don’t know well

Some ways to overcome a friendship anxious attachment involve:

Firstly, self-awareness
Self-reflection
Intentional steps to cultivate healthier relationship dynamics
Acknowledging and understanding your attachment style
Recognizing patterns of behavior
Lastly, exploring the underlying reasons for your anxiety

Therefore, therapy for people with an anxious attachment style can take up to a year or two to fully work.

Articles About Anxious Attachment

-How To Self-Soothe and Heal Anxious Attachment

https://bewelltherapygroup.org/2022/02/22/how-to-self-soothe-and-heal-anxious-attachment

-6 Effective Tips for Communicating with Fearful-Avoidant Partners (A Guide)

https://brianamacwilliam.com/6-effective-tips-for-communicating-with-fearful-avoidant-partners

-What Is Anxious Attachment?

https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/anxious-attachment

Have a Good One,

Cindee Murphy, One Voice In The Vastness Of Emotions

“There are a thousand minute intricacies that make up the tapestry of who you are and not a single one has ceased to exist since the last time that somebody loved you.” – Heide Priebe

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