Stand up, speak out: confronting the bully. Intimidation…that’s all it boils down to. See if you can intimidate another person. You can stand up for yourself by either standing your ground, or completely ignoring them. My problem back in school was that I reacted, so it continued all through first grade till I was a senior. Or if you chose to confront the bully, do so with a calm demeanor. They feed off pain and suffering.
If you don’t react, they have no leverage. They can’t intimidate you. I wish I could go back in time, and tell my younger self that. So, what is the bullying definition? It’s unwanted, aggressive behavior that involves a power imbalance—whether real or perceived. It often happens repeatedly or has the potential to keep happening. Bullying can take many forms, like physical, verbal, or social, and can happen anywhere, from schools and workplaces to online spaces.
Types of Bullies
Stand up, speak out: confronting the bully. Hence, there are several types of bullies, each exhibiting different behaviors and tactics. Here are some common types:
Physical Bullies
These bullies use physical actions to gain power and control over their targets. This can include hitting, kicking, or other forms of physical aggression.
Verbal Bullies
They use words to harm others, often through teasing, name-calling, or making threats. Verbal bullying can be just as damaging as physical bullying.
Relational Bullies
Also known as social bullies, they aim to harm someone’s social relationships or reputation. This can involve spreading rumors, excluding others from a group, or manipulating social situations.
Cyberbullies
These bullies use digital platforms, such as social media, texting, or email, to harass or intimidate others. Cyberbullying can be particularly harmful due to its potential for anonymity and wide reach.
Workplace Bullies
Found in professional environments, these bullies use their position or influence to intimidate or undermine colleagues. This can include micromanaging, spreading rumors, or sabotaging someone’s work.
Also, each type of bullying can have serious emotional and psychological effects on the victim, and it’s important to address and prevent bullying in all its forms.
Bullying Psychology
Bully Behavior
Stand up, speak out: confronting the bully. A bullies behavior stems from the fact that they feel insecure about themselves. They may have been bullied in the past, and in turn, learned to bully their intended victim. I had one such bully in grade school. I can’t remember her face, but I certainly remember her name, Shannon Cox.
Victimization
I played the victimization well, because I cried every time they started yelling at me. Therefore, I was the perfect victim, I had no backbone. I didn’t defend myself against the onslaught of crude comments directed at me. Why? The first time I was a victim to a bully was with my first grade teacher. Yes, you heard that right. She used to pull me out of my chair by pulling on my hair. I thought there was something wrong with me, and that is why I was being singled out. I’m sure I was the first or last child she bullied.
Becoming a victim is an easy trap to fall into, especially if you’re young. You have no clue what’s going on. And for some reason I never spoke about it to my parents. Even when I asked for help from my best friend (so called), she wouldn’t help me. That one really hurt. I felt so alone in the world.
Aggression
There is aggression on both sides-the bully is the aggressor, and the victim wants that same aggression inflicted on the bully. Although, you should never think that way, because you’re no better than the bully. You have to stand up and be the better person. Show them that you’re not afraid of them.
Aggression is not the answer unless it’s inevitable. There will be times when you should stand up for yourself. If you’re being physically bullied, then there comes a place and time to defend yourself.
Harassment
Harassment from a bully is consistent if you show weakness. Keep up your bravado and show no fear. Just look at them with indifference. That’s the only way to break the cycle. They’ll think you’re boring, and then leave you alone. I didn’t do that all throughout school, so I was constantly picked on.
My first grade teacher set the stage for harassment from grades 1 – 12. My classmates learned it was OK to harass fellow students. I don’t know how she ever became a teacher, but she picked the perfect age group to become a bully towards. At that time, I didn’t understand what was happening, I thought it was “normal.”
Why do People Bully Others?
Stand up, speak out: confronting the bully. Why does the earth turn? Because it can! Years ago, when I was in school, bullying was never even talked about at the dinner table. It existed, but it didn’t. Nobody talked about it. Now it’s this big problem that needs to be dealt with. Why wasn’t it dealt with back then?
People who bully are so insecure in their own relationships that they mimic what has been done to them. They try to make themselves feel superior. They have no control over their own lives, so they target someone they think they can control. I was the perfect target because I was extremely shy. That was the door that opened Pandora’s box.
Side Effects From Bullying
Mental Illnesses
So, what are some side effects of bullying? I can tell you one thing right off the bat, mental illnesses. You become screwed up in life. Lots of therapy and lots of medications. The depression hit me first. I started avoiding school when I could drive. To tell you the truth, I don’t understand how I graduated. I swore I would never return to school.
PTSD
Stand up, speak out: confronting the bully. A few years later, the Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) came upon me. When I was in conflict with someone, the top of my head started hurting. I never put two and two together until a long time in therapy.
Avoidance of Conflict
Avoidance of conflict was another thing I was good at. I started avoiding people and crowds, hence social anxiety. I’m still dealing with it. Although, I have mad great strides in that area by going into stores for an allotted amount of time before I go into panic mode.
No Self-Confidence
I literally had no self-confidence. My self-worth was nonexistent. I thought I was the lowest scum of the earth. It took me a long time to rebuild what the bullies had taken away. But now, I am proud of who I have become and what I have overcome through all the obstacles in my path.
Verbal Bullying Facts
Stand up, speak out: confronting the bully. I wanted to share a few facts about verbal bullying with you:
Verbal bullying involves using words to hurt, harass, or intimidate someone. It’s the most common type of bullying, with about 79% of reported cases of verbal harassment. This form of bullying can leave deep emotional scars, affecting victims’ self-esteem and quality of life. In the U.S., approximately 1 in 5 students aged 12-18 experience bullying during the school year, highlighting the prevalence of this issue.
Bullying and Suicide
The relationship between bullying and suicide is complex. The media should avoid oversimplifying these issues and insinuating or directly stating that bullying can cause suicide. The facts tell a different story. It is not accurate and potentially dangerous to present bullying as the “cause” or “reason” for a suicide, or to suggest that suicide is a natural response to bullying.
- Research indicates that persistent bullying can lead to or worsen feelings of isolation, rejection, exclusion, and despair, as well as depression and anxiety, which can contribute to suicidal behavior.
- The vast majority of young people who are bullied do not become suicidal.
- Most young people who die by suicide have multiple risk factors.
- For more information on the relationship between bullying and suicide, read “The Relationship Between Bullying and Suicide: What We Know and What it Means for Schools” from the CDC.
Bully Hotline
The Bully Hotline is a service designed to provide support and resources for individuals experiencing bullying. Here are some options:
- StopBullying.gov: You can call 988 and press 2, or text AYUDA to 988 for help.
- Crisis Text Line: Text CONNECT to 741741 for free, confidential, 24/7 mental health support.
These hotlines provide immediate assistance and guidance for those affected by bullying.
Sum It All Up
Stand up, speak out: confronting the bully. Bullying is not cool, no matter how you package it. It leads to some mental illnesses that nobody should have to go through. I am in therapy and forever on medication thanks to a teacher and some of my classmates.
However, I don’t blame them for all my problems. I take responsibility for not saying something about the teacher. Even though I was young, it still felt wrong and I knew it. I think I didn’t say anything out of fear of retribution from her.
So, if you’re in a bullying situation, stay calm. If you can, ignore them. If they can’t get a rise out of you, they may leave you alone. Or, you can talk to them in a manner they’re not expecting, friendly. Through them off balance. I wish somebody had told me this when dealing with my bully. Peace and always love. Until next time…
Articles About Bullying
Expert Recommendations: What to Say to a Bully for a Positive Impact
What is Verbal Bullying & How to Prevent It? [A Complete Guide]
Have a Good One,
Cindee Murphy
“One Voice Done With Being Bullied”
“Courage is fire, and bullying is smoke.”-Benjamin Disraeli
“I realized that bullying never has to do with you. It’s the bully who’s insecure.”–Shay Mitchell
“Don’t give in to bullying or others making fun of people. Stand up for yourself. Stand up for your friends. Be that one person who is genuinely good-hearted.”–Michelle McCool
“Comedy should speak truth to power. It should always be aimed upward. When it’s aimed downward, it’s called bullying.”-Jimmy Dore
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