How to Deal With the Fear of Being Judged

I’ve always had the fear of being judged, because of the bullying I received throughout school. I’m a people-pleaser for that reason. Or I should say I used to be. Now, if a person doesn’t like my answer, they can buzz off.

I can also defend myself when provoked. I do it in a quiet manner to prove my point. The anxiety kept me in my previous state. It ruled my life. Now that I have control over the anxiety, I’m not afraid of someone judging me.

I had the fear of vulnerability. If people see you’re vulnerable, they exploit that fear. But all that has changed for me. I’m a much stronger, and more confident person now. So, let’s dive in and help you become that stronger and more confident person.

Fear of being judged by family

I fear being judged by my family because of my schizophrenia diagnosis. Or judged by anyone for that matter. I am much more than my diagnosis. I have feelings just like everyone else, and sometimes they get trampled upon.

Accordingly, my dad and brother never invite me to go out for lunch anymore. I’m not sure what that is about. So, how do you not get judged by family? You need to discuss your problem with them. Voice your concerns.

Talk about why they might judge you. Get everything out in the open, and don’t hold anything back. Help them to see your point of view, and understand where they are coming from. No holds bar.

Fear of being judged on social media

Yes, there is such a thing as fear of being judged on social media. If you’re afraid of someone judging you, then quit social media altogether. I’d rather have my sanity than worry about what the other people will say about my comment.

Social media is not that important, it’s just a fun tool. It’s not a necessity. I know, it helps you connect with other people, but if you worry about what other people think, what’s the point?

But social media is everywhere, you might argue. Delete the apps and forget about it. If you’re my age (52), you’ve lived a good life before social media. As kids, we invented new ways to play with the kid across the street.

Fear of criticism

Judging someone through criticism is unexceptable. This one used to get me every time. To somewhat today, it still bothers me. I always feel like I’ve done something wrong, and don’t know how to respond. It feels like a personal attack on my character.

So, how do you deal with fear of criticism? Learn that other people have their opinions, but that doesn’t mean yours is wrong. Never sacrifice your opinion to believe the other person’s opinion is better than yours.

You have every right to come to your own conclusions. Although, sometimes you may change your opinion and agree with them. Maybe their point had more character than your point.

Perfectionism

Ah…lovely perfectionism! First off, nothing (or no one) is perfect, so throw that point out the window. I used to strive for perfectionism when I believed there was such a thing. I thought if I was perfect, everyone would like me. Wrong!

Perfectionism is the strive to get everyone to like you. That’s not going to happen. Now, we’ve come full circle back to people pleaser. People pleasing is just a form of getting your ideas trampled and spit on.

You have to learn that being perfect is impossible. It only invites hardship. Although, some self-centered people think they are perfect. Wait until they learn their lesson in perfectionism.

Self-consciousness

Fear of judgment can be self-conscious. Being self-conscious can be a good or bad thing. If you’re self-conscious about everything, STOP! It only brings on the anxiety and worrying about everything. I was very self-conscious about communicating with people (especially strangers).

Since grade school, I was self-conscious about everything. Speaking, my appearance, my opinions, you name it. I finally learned (with lots of therapy) that I mattered to me. I was someone. So, I had a voice and learned how to use it.

You can be self-conscious about certain things, like your appearance. Things like if you want to look nice for a date, then that’s OK. As long as it is within reason. Don’t take it to a point where it consumes your life.

Fear of negative opinions

Fear of judgement about negative opinions is valid. This runs along side fear of criticism. If someone gives you a negative opinion, take it with a grain of salt and move on. That’s their opinion, but it doesn’t mean it’s the only opinion allowed. Voice your opinion back at them and see what happens.

Negative opinions can bring you down if you believe in them. Don’t follow that path. Also, look at the source of the opinion. If it’s a friend, then maybe they figured you could handle it.

On the other hand, if it’s a stranger, figure they don’t even know you, so how could their opinion be valid? Always remember the source of the opinion.

Fear of rejection

This is another big one for me, and my used to be people pleasing ways. If you get rejection, there must be something wrong with you…right? Wrong! Rejection can appear in many forms. You have to learn to distinguish through the good and bad.

Some think all rejection is bad. No, it’s not. Someone rejecting you for something out of your control. How do you deal with rejection? Just move on to the next best thing. Who knows, someone might accept you then.

Low self-esteem

Fear of judgment can lower your self-esteem. This one is really hard to climb over. Low self-esteem comes from you not believing in yourself. For me, my peers taught me in school that my voice didn’t matter. Practically, every time I spoke, they kept telling me to shut up.

As I grew older, my self-esteem also grew. So, how do you build your self-esteem? By accomplishing goals that you have set for yourself. Celebrate the wins and move forward from the losses.

Gradually, your self-esteem will grow into self-confidence. Self-confidence will bring you to not fear others judging you. Everything comes full circle. It’s like building blocks, the more you stack upon one another, the more content you are with yourself.

Fear of social situations (social anxiety)

Social anxiety gripped me with fear of public places or any social situation. I had to learn to go into public places without having a panic attack. I took baby steps and built upon that. Now, it doesn’t bother me as much.

How do you get over social anxiety? For me, I would spend a certain amount of time in a store. I would go there just to get one or two items. And I’d always go to the same grocery store, so I would know the layout.

Gradually, I would slowly increase the time spent in the store. If I felt I was on the verge of a panic attack, I would dump my groceries and leave. Eventually, I got used to being around other people and would banter with other people there.

Fear of failure

I had fear of being judged by my failures. Basically, I judged myself by my failures. “You are your own worst critic”, as the saying goes. Everyone fails at something. That’s how we learn, and then move forward.

I often thought I was a failure throughout my years. Basically, I didn’t do anything with my life. I finally got certified as a massage therapist, but that ended with the Parkinson’s diagnosis. How do you overcome your failures?

Learn from them, they are a great teaching tool. You may have to go through several failures to succeed. And don’t dwell on them. Pick up where you left off. You’re not a failure, you found out what didn’t work.

Fear of ridicule

The judgment of ridicule affected me a lot, especially as a child. Someone constantly bullying me, I felt like a target for ridicule. It was never ending. The girl told me how much she hated me when I did nothing to her.

How do you get over ridicule? Look at the source of where it’s coming from. They may have their own insecurities, so to make themselves feel bigger, they ridicule you. Just walk away.

I wish I had done that with a particular girl that always bullied me. But I was just a child and didn’t know any better. I succumbed to her yelling at me every time. I would cringe when she got onto the bus.

Sum It All Up

Fear of being judged has many aspects. It’s such a broad term with many meanings. Fear of failure, fear of social situations, fear of rejection, etc. You learn to accept these fears by believing in yourself.

Build your self-confidence, and you build a good, strong character. Your livelihood. And no one can take that away by judging you. People who judge have their own shortcomings.

So, the next time someone judges you, just smile at them. Confuse them. They’re just trying to make themselves feel better by pointing out your so-called flaws. Self-confidence holds the key to overcoming judgment. Peace and love. Until next time…