Feeling Great Anxiety or Nervousness

Feeling great anxiety or nervousness nowadays is par for the course. You’re dealing with COVID, lay-offs, and basically loosing everything because of the economy. It’s no wonder why people’s lives are getting turned upside down. You don’t know if you’ll be able to afford your next meal or if you’ll become sick.

I am literally anxiety ridden because I am nervous about what’s going to happen to this country (or the world, for that matter). Now, I am predisposed to anxiety because I have the disorder. I’ve seen images of what the country might look like in the future and it’s not pretty. Hence, I know it might not happen that way because it’s just a prediction, but it’s scary as hell.

Still dealing with anxiety throughout all these posts, but it’s an eyeopener. Even more, I’ve learned new coping skills and I’m even dabbling in meditation. If you suffer from any mental illness, meditation is a game changer.

Filled Up With Anxiety Yesterday

I decided to venture out yesterday to run a few errands even though my anxiety was high. It was getting to the point while I was out that I had several panic attacks. And then the big one came. I was at Walmart to pick up meds. I came out put the key in the ignition…and nothing. Therefore, I tried over and over, but nothing. So, of course being that I was already pretty anxious, my mind kept playing all these scenarios in my head about what could happen. I could be stranded there (not likely)! What if nobody would help me!

So, I just sat in the car feeling great anxiety or nervousness. Clarity finally came to me (the panic attack had faded to a minimum) and I called my dad. Subsequently, he came and we had to have the car towed. While I was waiting for him, I was kind of reflecting on what just happened about how I let my thoughts take over my well being. Also, I thought about what it might have been if my dad wasn’t there to help. I’m very lucky to have him.

I’m pretty good at hiding my feelings (or so I think), so nobody would see that I was in duress. God forbid if somebody wanted to help me and I would have another panic attack because I had to talk to somebody I don’t know. Indeed, you try to hide the attack from people around you. I don’t know how long I sat in the car after the engine wouldn’t turnover.

Reacting Differently

Anyway, I was thinking how I might have reacted differently to the situation. I could have practiced 3-3 -3 breathing, or the 54321 technique to gain control of the situation, but I didn’t. Just when you think you’re getting the upper hand against anxiety, it comes back with force and smacks you in the face and then punches you in the stomach for extra measure. Anxiety is like that.

I panicked when I had my attack yesterday. When you’re in the midst of having an attack, you don’t really think about what is the proper way to deal with it. Therefore, you grasp at straws and do the first thing that comes to mind. Sometimes, it’s not always the right choice.

In the Future

When I’m possessed (yes possessed) with another panic attack, I’m going to try to manage it better. It’s just that when you’re in the heat of the moment, all that you’ve learned goes straight out the window. So, how are you supposed to implement these tools when your brain is saying “fight or flight?” I considered running away from the car, but what was I running from? There was no “imminent danger! There literally was no one around me except for a couple of people.

Maybe it’s just me, but each time the panic sets in and I don’t use my tools to de-escalate the situation, it just gets worse. I just want to lay down and cry. I’m trying so hard to deal with this, but it’s not helping. I don’t know where to go from here. I really don’t. Even so, you know how they say “I wouldn’t wish this on my worse enemy,” that’s anxiety.

Trying to Understand Great Anxiety Or Nervousness

What’s to understand? Anxiety is there and it doesn’t plan on going anywhere. Sometimes I think, what neuro pathway has shorted and how can I fix it. To know me, I have to fix everything or die tryin’. I try to understand how you can go from 0 – 10 in a millisecond. Yes, a millisecond. There is NO DANGER! I know that they say your body becomes conditioned to stress after a certain time period. After a while, it just reacts to what it THINKS is a real danger…and boom, you have a panic attack.

Maybe, I’ll never completely understand anxiety even though nowadays it’s a part of my life. I just have to live with it, although, I don’t really have a choice. But I’m trying to change the way I react to the perceived threat. I’m still having panic attacks (obviously), but the duration of these attacks has shortened. So, maybe I’m on the right path.

Coping With Feeling Great Anxiety or Nervousness

As I have said, I’m trying to cope with the anxiety. It’s not going anywhere soon, so I have to coexist with it. Consequently, I tried for a while to get rid of it, but as you have read, it’s still there. When your in the midst of having a panic attack, all the tools you’ve learned go out the window. So, I constantly reinforce my so-called armor and try battling it over and over.

My coping mechanisms are highly questionable and I know this. I stay in my room only leaving it to use the bathroom, get something to eat and if I have to go to an appointment. You’ll want to do the exact opposite. Why don’t I follow my own advice? When you deal with anxiety, you avoid the things (at all costs) that perpetuate the anxiety. Being around other people is a trigger for me. For fear that the anxiety will show up, I don’t even like talking to my family. Henceforth, the anxiety has me backed into a corner without very much room to move.

Conclusion

So, that’s my dealing’s with feeling great anxiety or nervousness. If you disagree that is OK. Each person has their own experiences and thoughts on how they handle it. Although, some of you might be familiar with what I have just described. We all have a common denominator…anxiety. Will it ever really go away? I doubt it! Can I coexist with it? Don’t have a choice!

Each time I have a panic attack, I think about how I’m going to deal with the next one. Sometimes, like the one I described earlier, it doesn’t go the way I want it to. Therefore, you just have to be patient with yourself and keep plugging away at it. That’s all you can do. Until next time…