Echoes of anger: finding light in the depths of depression is hard, but not impossible. “In the depths of depression, anger can rear its ugly head.” I believe I’ve read that somewhere. This is one of those disorders that one feeds off of the other. You’re angry because you’re depressed, and all that anger can lead to depression. I would start physical fights with my mother, because I was angry with her splitting the family in two with her mental illness. Then I became manic, depression, and full of anger, causing my angry outbursts.
She’s been past for approximately 24 years. It took me a long time to understand her, even after her death. Now that I’ve experienced schizophrenia (late-onset), I understand much more about her. She would have depression and anger outbursts, with nothing prompting her to be that way. I blamed her, because she wouldn’t stop. I realize there’s no “on, off” switch. The good news is she did climb the ladder back up, and was her normal self a little before her death.
Effects of Depression and Anger
Isolation
- Frequent mentions of feeling “alone,” “misunderstood,” and “unseen.”
- Specific language includes “The loneliness is overwhelming” and “It feels like no one understands.”
- Posts often describe a lack of meaningful connections or absence of perceived support from family, friends, or society.
Isolation can be a very dire situation. You just completely shut down. You live in one space, and that’s all you see 24/7 (except for tiny breaks). I was embarrassed about my anger outbursts, so I decided to crawl into a cave and stay there forever. Although, I shouldn’t say forever, because I’m learning to reestablish my communication with people. Now, I do so because it’s quiet and I can concentrate on my blog. So, my intent is for peaceful, quiet, and not to run away from my emotions anymore.
Despair
- Strong expressions of hopelessness, such as “I can’t see a way out of this darkness” and “Every day feels like a battle I can’t win.”
- Recurring words like “worthless,” “exhausted,” and “suffocating” highlight an emotional state of deep sadness and resignations.
Despair is unfortunately a part of depression. You feel so hopeless that sometimes you might not want to go on living. I’ve been through that more times than I care to remember. I was made worthless since first grade, when the teacher physically abused me in front of my peers. Then they joined in with the bullying all throughout school.
Frustration and Anger
- Themes of resentment toward circumstances or societal stigmas about mental health.
- Phrases like “Why does the world make me feel so insignificant?” and “I’m filled with this rage that I can’t contain” show heightened emotional intensity, especially in discussions about being misunderstood or judged.
Frustration and anger set in the beginning of my childhood with that teacher. I got tired of feeling so insignificant and being told to shut-up. My rage often turned into a crying session, because I didn’t know how to express my anger without outbursts.
Trigger Phrases Identified:
- “Darkness” & “suffocating”
- “No one cares” & “unappreciated”
- “Tired of fighting” & “every day feels like a battle”
- “Alone,” “abandoned,” and “insignificant”
Themes of Emotional Triggers:
Perceived Lack of Support
- Sufferers often reflect the absence of emotional validation or tangible support from family, friends, or professionals.
- Many users express frustration with being dismissed or misunderstood by those meant to provide assistance.
Echoes of anger: finding light in the depths of depression, but keep looking. I don’t like being dismissed because of my mental diagnosis. That’s only a small part of me, not the whole picture. I am human, just like everyone else, and I deserve respect. Just because I have a few circuits short, doesn’t mean I’m completely incapacitated.
Societal Stigma
- Expressed anger directed at the world’s perception of mental health and the barriers surrounding open discussions.
- Sufferers reflect hurt stemming from judgment and stereotypes, contributing to feelings of invisibility and inadequacy.
Don’t get me started on social stigma. I’ve been fighting it most of my life. Whenever I end up in the ER (for physical symptoms), and they ask me what diagnoses I have and meds I’m on, I get a pause there. I believe they think I’m making it up. This has happened to me several times, not just once!
Internal Battles
- Sufferers express struggles with self-worth and intrusive thoughts, further deepening the cycles of despair and anger.
Intrusive thoughts have plagued me since I can’t remember. I always had thoughts telling me I was worthless, and nobody cared enough to help me. When I went off Zyprexa (anti-psychotic med) to see if I needed it, those thoughts came right back. So I guess the med is working.
Self-Reflection
Taking time for self-reflection can help you understand your anger better. Ask yourself questions like:
- What usually triggers my anger?
- How do I physically feel when I’m angry?
- How do I typically respond to anger?
- Are there patterns or recurring themes in my anger?
Echoes of anger: finding light in the depths of depression through self-reflection. By becoming aware of these signs and triggers, you can take proactive steps to manage and release your anger before it escalates. This awareness allows you to choose healthier responses and maintain your emotional balance.
Self-reflection is so important, because it gives you the insight of what happened in your life that caused the depression and anger. Also, it gives you the ability to start to climb out of the hole you dug yourself into.
Treatment for Anger
Mindfulness and Meditation
I can’t speak any higher about mindfulness and meditation, it helped save my life. I’m not in constant chaos. Hence, I feel so much more relaxed than I can ever remember. I start with Silva Mind Control. It teaches you how to meditate and manifest different things in your life.
For example, I just went through the drive-thru at McDonald’s and placed my order, which I made a mistake while ordering it. The old me would have become embarrassed and might even have left without getting my food. I would have obsessed over it (intrusive thoughts). I stayed calm, apologized, and reordered. This may not seem like a big deal to most, but it is if you’ve been on the other side.
Throw or Break Something (Safely)
Sometimes, the physical act of releasing anger can be incredibly cathartic. Find a safe space where you can throw or break something without causing harm to yourself or others. Consider throwing pillows onto the floor, or kicking a ball outside. This physical release can help you let go of built-up tension and anger in a controlled environment.
I have one of those squishy balls made of rubber. Mine is a frog. One of the therapists gave it to me years ago when I was in the hospital. You can squeeze as hard, and as many times as you want, and it won’t break. But, maybe you need to hear the sound of something breaking. To each his own.
Scream / Use Your Voice – In Private
Echoes of anger: finding light in the depths of depression by using your God-given voice. Using your voice to express anger can be effective. Find a private space where you won’t be disturbed, and let out a scream (into a pillow is a great option), shout, hum, or even sing loudly. This vocal release can help you expel the energy associated with anger, leaving you feeling more relaxed and less burdened by the emotion.
I know this sounds unbelievable, but it actually works. I’ve done this into a pillow before when I’m in my bedroom with the door closed, of course. No one said anything, so I assume they didn’t hear anything. To sing along to music, I turn on the SiriusXM App to Octane and listen for the perfect song. Or, I listen to one of my music apps with downloaded songs on my phone.
A ‘Depression Kit’
Assemble a ‘depression kit’ and keep it by your bed.
Get a box, a bag, a basket, clear a drawer in your nightstand, whatever. Just ensure you can reach your kit from your bed.
In the kit, include:
Minty, sugar-free chewing gum
This is for when you want your teeth to feel fresher but don’t want to get out of bed to brush them. It really can help (just make sure it is sugar-free, or you’ll be adding to your problems).
A bottle of water
It always helps to sip some water. Even if you feel like it’s doing nothing, at least your mouth won’t be as dry and you can fuel the next crying fit. It’s also there to take your meds with. Speaking of which…
Medication
If you’re on any form of anti-depressant, supplements, whatever, get one of those pill boxes which are divided by day and decant your meds into it. Then add this to your kit. Although, if you’re not in the midst of a good day whilst reading this, just grab the bottles and chuck them in – that’s better than nothing.
Having them nearby means that even if you are at your worst, you can still take the meds you need to keep going. The pill boxes are very useful if you struggle to remember whether you have taken your meds or not (something I have real trouble with). N.B. Obviously do NOT place meds in your kit if there is no way to keep them safe from your children – although you could always get a little lockable cash box or mini safe to keep them in if that is the case.
Baby Wipes
Echoes of anger: finding light in the depths of depression. These are INVALUABLE. You know how, when things are really shit, washing and dressing just kind of go out of the window? Yet you start feeling sweaty and smelly, and that just makes you feel worse, but the motivation to get up and clean yourself just won’t manifest.
This is when you reach for your kit and grab a baby wipe or three. Wipe your face, underarms, genitalia, and feet (i.e. all the worst offenders). You don’t have to get out of bed to do this if you don’t feel you can. But you’ll feel just that crucial little bit fresher, and that makes a difference. Trust me.
Clean underwear
And socks and pjs, if you feel like it. For changing into after your baby wipe bath. You don’t have to, but if you want to enhance the fresh feeling, the stuff is right there by your bed so you don’t have to get up and rummage around – something which can cause overwhelm.
Your phone and charger
You probably do this anyway, but I’m including it as a necessity just in case you don’t. If you feel you are really going downhill and need to speak to someone FAST, it just makes sense that your phone is right next to you rather than in the other room. Additionally…
Emergency numbers
In a notebook by the bed, there if needed. Very important. When you’re in that place where you need help, the actions required to access it are often too much. Keep it all by your bed.
A notebook and pen
For keeping the emergency numbers, and also for venting your thoughts if they are whirling. Sometimes, writing it out can help you calm down enough to sleep.
A red Sharpie
Okay, this is quite specific, but is legit advice I’ve had from psychiatrists in the past. Should you feel like self-harming, take the Sharpie, and draw on yourself with it instead. The idea is to get a similar release, but to avoid actually hurting yourself.
Sum It All Up
Echoes of anger: finding light in the depths of depression through baby steps. I attribute meditation to keeping the intrusive thoughts (along with Zyprexa) behind the scene. They were one of the many problems that bombarded my mind, and I couldn’t control them until now. It’s so peaceful now.
Back when I was isolating so much, I thought that was the perfect solution to all my problems. No anxiety, depression or anger. It only made all of them worse. The panic attacks got worse, and so did my depression along with them.
So what changed? I woke up. I became tired of my bullsh*t life. That’s not how I envisioned it when I was younger. It just slipped away from me like those wet n’ wild slides at home. I wanted control back, so I began to change myself to whom I wanted to be and not what the illnesses forced me to be. I diminished their power over me. And now…I’m the person that that little girl wanted to be. Peace and always love. Until next time…
Articles About Depression and Anger
Depression: Supporting a family member or friend
Are There Medications for Anger Management?
The Connection Between Depression and Anger
Letting It Go: Getting Past Negative Emotions
Have a Good One,
Cindee Murphy
“One Voice Who Conquered Depression and Anger”
“We hide to try our feelings, but we forget that our eyes speak.”
“I am bent, but not broken. I am scarred, but not disfigured. Hence, I am sad, but not hopeless. I am tired, but not powerless. I am angry, but not bitter. Therefore, I am depressed, but not giving up.”
“I have depression. But I prefer to say “I battle” depression instead of “I suffer” with it. Because depression hits, but I hit back. Battle on.”
“Depression is being colorblind and constantly told how colorful the world is.”
Related Posts
Borderline Personality Disorder: Building Bridges to Understanding(Opens in a new browser tab)
How to Overcome an Anxiety Attack While Sleeping(Opens in a new browser tab)
Echoes of Anguish: The Duality of Depression and Anger(Opens in a new browser tab)
Recent Posts
Leave a Reply