Two Narcissists in a Relationship

What happens when two narcissists get together? Double trouble! Two narcissists in a relationship isn’t viable, yet they don’t know that. They compete for everything and anything. Always trying to outdo one another. Can’t they see the relationship might be going nowhere?

I believe I live with a narcissist in every way, shape and form. She tries to manipulate people all the time. I used to, but I don’t fall for it anymore. I’ve learned to say no to her. She lies all the time, so I can’t trust a word she says.

A narcissist is someone who tends to focus a lot on themselves, craves admiration, and may struggle to show empathy for others. They can be overt (outgoing and boastful) or covert (more subtle and passive-aggressive). This behavior can sometimes make relationships tricky, as they often put their own needs first and find it hard to build genuine emotional connections.

Toxic Cycles

Manipulation

Manipulation is but one of their tactics to sway you to their side or do what they want you to do. Can you imagine how that would play out in two narcissists in a relationship? One trying to manipulate the other. It would be like watching a comedy movie. Where’s the popcorn?

I used to be easily manipulated until I had enough of it, so I’m learning to say no and mean it. When I said my first no to my roommate, it felt scary, but invigorating. It became easier after that.

Passive-aggressiveness

Passive-aggressiveness indirectly expresses negative feelings or anger, instead of openly. A passive-aggressive person may use subtle actions or comments to show dissatisfaction, often leaving others confused or frustrated. Between the two narcissists, what happens is a power struggle to get the other one to at a loss.

My roommate pulled that on me so many times, I was bewildered most of the time. She’s not really my roommate, she is my dad’s friend who lives here with her son. I can’t call her a friend, because she isn’t one.

Emotional Withholding

Narcissists may withhold affection, attention, validation, or emotional support to control or punish someone. This behavior can create power imbalances in relationships, often leaving the other person feeling insecure, unworthy, or seeking approval. Imagine two narcissists in a relationship with no emotional support between the two. How can this even be a relationship?

Examples of Emotional Withholding:

Refusing to say “I love you” or show affection during conflicts.
Ignoring or dismissing someone’s emotional needs or achievements.
Giving the silent treatment instead of addressing issues.
Withholding compliments, validation, or encouragement to keep the other person feeling inadequate.

Silent treatment

I was good at this one, even though I’m not a narcissist. if two narcissists are in a relationship, and give each other the silent treatment simultaneously, who wins? When one speaks, does the other gain the advantage over the other? Emotional exhaustion would overcome me, and I would probably be the one giving in.

It’s just a form of emotional manipulation. Who is the strongest between the two? I would actually want to see two narcissists in a relationship and see how they interact. I would think it would be fascinating. Of course, I don’t mean that in a bad way, just the antics used between the two, and how they get along (or don’t).

Jealousy

Narcissists often feel jealous due to their insecurities and need constant validation. Despite appearing confident, their self-esteem is fragile and depends on external approval. They may feel threatened by others who get attention or admiration, especially in areas where they feel inadequate.

Narcissists often feel jealous when their partner gets attention from others, whether through compliments, flirtation, or friendly interactions. This can make them more possessive and controlling, wanting their partner’s focus entirely on them. They may also use criticism, manipulation, or gaslighting to make their partner doubt themselves and seek their validation instead.

Resentment

Resentment can be really harmful in any relationship, especially if both people have narcissistic tendencies. If you’re feeling resented, it might be worth considering stepping away. I know that sounds like a tough choice, but staying in a relationship where both partners are always trying to one-up each other and prioritize themselves usually leads to unhappiness for both.

When two narcissists are in a relationship, it can feel like a constant battle for control and attention. Both partners tend to focus on their own needs and desires, which can lead to frustration when those needs aren’t met. This kind of dynamic makes it tricky to find room for compromise or genuine care. With both people prioritizing their own image and status, building a solid, invested relationship can be a real challenge.

Blame-shifting

Blame-shifting in a narcissistic relationship is when the narcissist avoids taking responsibility for their actions or mistakes by placing the blame on someone else—often their partner. This behavior is a common sign of narcissistic abuse and is typically used to maintain control, protect their ego, and dodge accountability.

With two narcissists in a relationship blame-shifting, that ought to be a good argument. It’s like two kids bickering about who is at fault. Also, it’s like war of the worlds to see who gives up first.

Lack of Empathy

Narcissists typically have difficulty understanding or caring about others’ feelings and needs. This detachment allows them to exploit relationships to their advantage, without guilt or remorse.

The narcissist may downplay or outright ignore their partners emotions, making them feel invalidated or unimportant. For example, if the partner expresses sadness, they might respond with indifference or irritation.

Treatments for Narcissists

Treating narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) can be tricky, especially since people with NPD often don’t realize or admit there’s an issue. But don’t worry—progress is absolutely possible with the right approach. Here are some common treatment options:

Psychotherapy (Talk Therapy):
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): Helps people recognize and shift negative thought patterns and habits.
- Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT): Helps with managing emotions, building strong relationships, and staying mindful.
- Schema Therapy: Explores the childhood patterns and beliefs that shape narcissistic traits over time.
- Psychodynamic Therapy:Helps you understand unconscious motivations and past experiences, encouraging self-awareness and emotional growth.
Group Therapy:
- Creates a welcoming space where people can build empathy, sharpen their interpersonal skills, and get helpful feedback in a supportive environment.
Medication:
- There isn’t a specific medication for NPD, but medications like antidepressants, mood stabilizers, or anti-anxiety drugs can sometimes help with related issues like depression or anxiety.
Mindfulness and Self-Reflection Practices:
- Practicing mindfulness can help people better understand their emotions and actions, making it easier to grow and improve.
Family or Couples Therapy:
- Supports better relationships and communication between individuals with NPD and their loved ones.
Lifestyle Changes:
- Building healthy habits like staying active, managing stress, and eating a balanced diet can go a long way in supporting your mental health.

Sum It All Up

Basically, two narcissists in a relationship is never going to last. There’s too much antagonism between them. Each tries to blame each other, and may have resentment towards one another. That is not a way to keep a healthy relationship going.

Dealing with a narcissist is exhausting. They dismiss your feelings, and have a self-centered behavior. They exploit your vulnerabilities by using them against you, manipulating or shaming you for expressing your emotions.

Narcissists often view relationships as transactional, meaning they only engage when there’s something in it for them. They may show care or attention only when it benefits their image or goals. Stay away from a narcissist! Peace and always love. Until next time…