The ego monster: understanding narcissistic personality disorder. When I was growing up, especially in the teen to early 20’s years, I thought I might be a narsissist.

Only because I was so negative about everything and thought I was better than everyone else.

I tried to manipulate people into doing what I wanted. Screw their feelings. Besides the fact that I isolate, the manipulating caused me to loose friends.

I didn’t see it then, but I realized what happened now. A lot of it had to do with how sick my mom was. I mean ‘mentally’ ill. He anger made me angry, so I turned on everyone.

It was no fun living with someone who was always yelling at you even if you just walked into the room. I wasn’t diagosed with NPD, but it sure felt like it.

The true meaning of natssistic personality disorder is a mental health condition in which people have an unreasonably high sense of their own importance.

Therefore, they need and seek too much attention and want people to admire them.

Accordingly, People with this disorder may lack the ability to understand or care about the feelings of others.

Causes Of Narcissistic Personality Disorder

There is no single cause for the development of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), but it is believed to be a combination of genetic and environmental factors. Some potential factors that may contribute to the development of narcissism include:

• Genetics: As a matter of fact, studies suggest that genetics may play a role in the development of NPD. Individuals with a family history of the disorder are more likely to develop it themselves.
• Childhood experiences: Traumatic or neglectful experiences in childhood, such as emotional abuse, excessive pampering. Also, unrealistic expectations from parents or caregivers, may contribute to the development of narcissistic traits as a coping mechanism.
• Parenting styles: Sdditionally, overindulgent or excessively critical parenting styles can also contribute to the development of narcissistic traits in children.
• Cultural and societal influences: Altogether, living in a society that values material success, power, and self-promotion may also contribute to the development of narcissistic traits.
• Neurobiological factors: Also, some studies suggest that abnormalities in brain structure and function may contribute to the development of NPD.

It’s important to note that not everyone who experiences these factors will develop narcissistic personality disorder.

Also, the development of NPD is likely to be influenced by a complex interplay of multiple factors.

Types of Narcissism

The ego monster: understanding narcissistic personality disorder. Consequently, narcissism can manifest in different ways, and there are various types or subtypes of narcissistic personality traits.

Some of the recognized types of narcissism include:

Grandiose Narcissism

Basically, this type of narcissism is characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance, a need for admiration, and a lack of empathy.

People with grandiose narcissism often exhibit a sense of entitlement and may engage in manipulative or exploitative behavior to achieve their goals.

Vulnerable Narcissism

Also known as covert narcissism, this type of narcissism is characterized by feelings of insecurity, hypersensitivity to criticism, and a tendency to experience shame.

Individuals with vulnerable narcissism may appear shy or introverted, but they still have a strong need for validation and may engage in passive-aggressive behaviors.

Malignant Narcissism

Emphatically, this subtype of narcissism combines traits of narcissistic personality disorder with antisocial, paranoid, and sadistic traits.

People with malignant narcissism may exhibit a disregard for the rights and feelings of others, a lack of remorse, and a tendency to engage in aggressive or violent behaviors.

Communal Narcissism

Comparatively, this type of narcissism involves a focus on being seen as selfless, altruistic, and morally superior.

Persons with communal narcissism may engage in acts of charity or volunteerism, but their motivations are often driven by a desire for admiration and recognition.

Somatic Narcissism

Contrarily, this subtype of narcissism is characterized by a preoccupation with physical appearance, beauty, and sexual conquests.

Individuals with somatic narcissism may prioritize their physical attractiveness and use it to gain attention and validation from others.

It’s important to note that these types of narcissism are not mutually exclusive, and individuals may exhibit traits from multiple subtypes.

Additionally, the presentation of narcissistic traits can vary widely among individuals.

Signs of Narcissism

The ego monster: understanding narcissistic personality disorder. Undoubtedly, signs of narcissism can vary, and it’s important to remember that having some narcissistic traits doesn’t necessarily mean someone has narcissistic personality disorder.

However, some common signs of narcissism may include:

• Grandiosity: Henceforth, a person with narcissistic traits may have an exaggerated sense of self-importance and a belief that they are special or unique.
• Need for Admiration: Even more, they may constantly seek admiration and validation from others, and have a strong desire for attention and praise.
• Lack of Empathy: Moreover, individuals with narcissistic traits may have difficulty empathizing with others and may disregard or minimize the feelings and needs of others.
• Sense of Entitlement: They may have an expectation of special treatment and may believe that they deserve preferential treatment or recognition.
• Exploitative Behavior: By the same token, people with narcissistic traits may be inclined to take advantage of others to achieve their own goals, often without considering the impact on others.
• Difficulty Handling Criticism: They may be highly sensitive to criticism and react with anger, defensiveness, or feelings of humiliation.
• Arrogant and Haughty Behavior: Particularly, narcissistic individuals may display a haughty or arrogant attitude, and may belittle or look down on others they perceive as inferior.
• Fantasies of Success, Power, or Beauty: Also, they may have grandiose fantasies about their achievements, attractiveness, or power, and may exaggerate their accomplishments.

Why Narcissists Lose Popularity

The ego monster: understanding narcissistic personality disorder. When a narcissist bursts onto the scene, they’re a breath of fresh air. They’re funny, charming, and the life and soul of the party.

They regale everyone with tales of their youth, as they hang on to every word. But after a while, narcissists usually lose popularity.

Why do narcissists lose popularity over time?

They’re often kind, considerate, charming, and funny. Generous with their time, money and compliments.

Quickly becoming the star of the show. But once accomplishing their mission, they change.

They Badly Cross Somebody

However, most narcissists inevitably do something bad. They may bully someone mercilessly. Sleep with a friends partner. Borrow money and never pay it back, the list goes on.

Narcissists are ticking time bombs. And inevitably do something which damages their reputation.

Not only does this upset the person they crossed. But they tell others. Causing many people to keep them at arms length.

Get Off On Their Notoriety

Once the narcissists’ popularity wanes, they’re more desperate for attention. Some may go back to the initial love bombing stage. And try to win people over again with their fake nice act. In any case, others go down the opposite route.

Like a naughty toddler, some narcissists seek negative attention, rather than be left out. And may deliberately cause trouble, just to remain in the spotlight.

So, their antics get tongues wagging, giving the narcissist the attention they crave. And makes them feel powerful.

But whilst they get attention, their popularity inevitably takes a hit. Because who wants to spend time with someone who consistently acts up?

They Get More Narcissistic

The ego monster: understanding narcissistic personality disorder. Most neuro-typicals get less narcissistic with age. They learn that the world doesn’t revolve around them. And appreciate others wants and needs. But most narcissists get worse.

Their heyday is over. And they can no longer drive the other sex wild with a winkand a smile. Hence, they’re older and less relevant. And more vulnerable, as their physical and mental faculties decline

Not many welcome the deterioration with age. But narcissists take it worse than most.

Narcissists believe they’re special. And normal rules don’t apply to them. But age is an equalizer. It hits us all, no matter how great we think we are.

With their shattered delusions, they become more bitter and jealous. Angry at the world for their cruel treatment. But there’s one small mercy…

Growing old gives them a free pass to be rude and cranky. Because people are more forgiving towards older people. And when a narcissist senses an opportunity, they take it.

The narcissist may have some well meaning friends and family who look out for them. But people usually see the ageing narcissist out of a sense of duty, rather than for any real affection.

Narcissists LOVE Drama, Conflict And Attention

As you’re probably aware, narcissists LOVE drama and conflict. When things are peaceful and in harmony, they often antagonise to create trouble. Then sit back and watch the drama unfold.

Calm and peaceful bores narcissists. And they welcome anything that disrupts this pattern.

Overall, narcissists also LOVE attention. Adoring the love and being told how great they are. They’re practically bottomless pits for attention.

And if they can’t get positive attention, they’re happy to take negative attention. Yes, attacking them verbally, is what they actually WANT. Particularly, to narcissists, this is better than no attention.

Therefore, if you go on the attack, the narcissist wins. They love the drama of a good fight. And aiming itat them, they’re centre of attention. Win-win!

Focus On YOU

The ego monster: understanding narcissistic personality disorder. That’s why I always say the best way to get back at a narcissist is to NOT get back at them. Don’t feed them. And don’t get dragged into their toxic world.

Ignore them. Go no contact. Nonetheless, don’t get involved in their childish games. Then they have no attention, no drama, and no ammo to use against you.

Instead focus on you. Get back in touch with old friends and family. Join a gym. Enroll in a college course. Do positive things to improve yourself and your life.

Therefore, this benefits you more than putting your energy into getting at them. Which only feeds them anyway.

4 Alternatives To Calling Out The Narcissist

The ego monster: understanding narcissistic personality disorder. Calling out a narcissist is pointless. In fact, if I could give you negative points for doing so, I really would. It gets you nowhere fast and leads to the very type of pain and conflict you are trying hard to avoid.

Given these points, narcissists have selective hearing, and they will only hear you hurting their pride. The rage that follows will make you wish you never opened your mouth.

So what can you do?

Actually – quite a bit. You have more power than you give yourself current credit for.

Here are 6 beautiful alternatives to calling out a narcissist.

Just Don’t Call Them Out At All

In reality, what good does it do to call out a narcissist? You think you are onto something by putting them in the spotlight, but to the narcissist, it is the wrong kind of spotlight.

Overall, they love to be the center of attention, but when calling them out, you show them every single fault they have – and to them this simply cannot do.

After all, they’re perfect, right? 

Avoid the destruction and backfiring attempt at calling them out altogether by not doing it. 

Avoid Being Unnecessarily Blamed

In any event, the narcissist will see you coming with your list of issues you have against them. They will take that list and write your name right next to each one. 

The worst part?

They will convince you to believe them – that you are the problem.

That’s after a lot of conflict hurtling your way. Moreover, they are intent on gaslighting, confusing, and manipulating you into believing everything they say about you is correct.

Understand Yourself Instead – Why Are You A Narc Magnet?

The ego monster: understanding narcissistic personality disorder. I know it can be hard to believe that you can be a total narc magnet – and knowing you are heightening the risk for you blaming yourself for all the negativity in your life now they’re around.

In truth, you haven’t done anything wrong. Being yourself means elevating your energy upward and seeking to be there for others when they need you. You likely gain a lot of good feelings from being your natural, compassionate self. 

Narcissists are drawn to people who latch onto their every word and listen to them. They fall for the ‘woe is me’ stories the narcissist offers, and the narcissist laps it up like a kind of irreplaceable supply. 

The Narcissist Likes to Steal a Kind Heart 

For you – this means you are perfect for the narcissist. They know they can use their history and tactics to reel you in and get you hooked, potentially for the long-term.

Subsequently, understanding yourself doesn’t have to mean you change in any way, you’re perfect as you are.

What it could look like for you is seeing all the ways you open your heart to the narcissistic personality, and how they creep in time and time again to take advantage of you.

If you can see what part of you is allowing this (albeit subconsciously), you can then begin to consider how boundaries can improve your chances of deflecting them in the future. 

Treat the Narcissist as a Neutral Acquaintance

The ego monster: understanding narcissistic personality disorder. Disengaging with a narcissist means you can completely take away any power they have over your life choices by just refusing to involve them in your successes. 

Merkedly, pull back on the usual validating conversations you have with them (you know the ones – where you end up feeling totally exhausted while they skip away smiling to themselves). 

Give Them Nothing

Likewise, giving the narcissist the, what we like to call, ‘grey rock’ experience means you react with absolutely nothing.

Regardless, the less emotions that are conveyed, the better it will be for you, and the more you offer nothing, the less the narcissist has to take from you and use for themselves.

Think of your emotions as fuel.

The more you give them, the more they take and use as supply.

Important to realize, grey rock really works, and not sharing with them means they can’t take what you’re saying and use your words to make you feel even worse. 

Imagine going to them feeling sad or disappointed with something, only to be told, “Well, I did think you were jumping above your station by giving that a go. I just didn’t think you’d be up to the task.”

Hence, you don’t need to be kicked while you’re down

Go grey rock as much as possible, for your own sanity. 

Look for Those with Narcissistic Experience

What does that look like to you?

The ego monster: understanding narcissistic personality disorder. It’s different for everybody, but on the whole, looking for those with experience in narcissism can look like finding a great therapist who can help you unpack exactly what’s going on right now for you.

It can also look like a friend or family member who knows what the narcissist in your life is really like.

You don’t need anybody who tilts their head in uncertainty and says, “Well you know, I don’t think it’s as bad as you’re saying. Thus, they seem like a really nice person to me, and have never shown me a reason to not believe who they are presenting themselves to be.”

Steer Clear of Flying Monkeys

In short, flying Monkeys are people who surround the narcissist and speak up for them if a bad word is muttered. They believe what the narcissist tells them, and responds with support and loyalty.

In other words, this can be very infuriating for people like you, who just want somebody to say, “I see what you mean. This must be so hard for you.”

Sum It All Up

The ego monster: understanding narcissistic personality disorder. So, I don’t have narcissism, but it sure felt like it. I was just a depressed person with a negative view on life. Thank God, I’m not like that nowadays.

Narcissists are often popular in their younger days, or when they’re new on the scene. But after a while, they cause trouble and create enemies. And their maturing friends drift away.

Some narcissists remedy this by moving to pastures new. Where their reputation has a clean bill of health. But they rarely change. And usually create the same problems wherever they go.

Older narcissists are usually abandoned by most of their friends. So they seek refuge by clinging on to one or two primary sources of supply.

Narcissists are usually left with people who feel obliged to spend time with them. Such as a spouse or close family members. And even then, some cantankerous narcissists burn these bridges.

Most narcissists start life high in the popularity stakes. With the world at their feet. But end up sad, bitter, and lonely. Going from one extreme to the other. Which is the story of their life. Until next time…

Articles About Narcissistic Personality Disorder

-Narcissistic Personality Disorder

https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/9742-narcissistic-personality-disorder

-Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)Symptoms, Causes, and Help for Dealing with a Narcissist

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/mental-disorders/narcissistic-personality-disorder.htm

-Am I a Narcissist? Take the Test

https://www.verywellmind.com/narcissistic-personality-test-7561782

Have a Good One,

Cindee Murphy, One Voice In The Vastness Of Emotions

“Narcissus weeps to find that his Image does not return his love.” — Mason Cooley

“There is simply no winning with a narcissist. He will treat you so horribly that you will become withdrawn and depressed and then he will turn around and say, ‘You’re no fun anymore, you’re always so depressed. I need to be with someone more positive.’” — Susan Williams

“Half the harm that is done in this world is due to people who want to feel important … They justify it because they are absorbed in the endless struggle to think well of themselves.” — T.S. Eliot

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