PTSD Flashbacks: Reliving the Past

PTSD flashbacks: reliving the past. Over and over, I feel her pulling on my hair, lifting me out of my chair. Why does this keep happening? Did I do something wrong? Ouch, my head hurts! Those are my PTSD memories. My teacher tortured me over and over, never missing a day.

To this day, I have problems with conflict, standing up for myself, and being a people pleaser. All from my first grade teacher, Mrs. Anderson. I thought there was something wrong with me. As I grew up, the other kids in my class bullied me from watching her do it. I hated school with a passion. I still have flashbacks trauma.

Also, I would put money down that all my mental illnesses stemmed from those two years. It screwed me up so badly, I get emotional thinking about it.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Diagnosis

PTSD flashbacks: reliving the past. To be diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), a person must meet the following criteria for at least one month:

Have at least one re-experiencing symptom
Have at least one avoidance symptom
Have at least two arousal and reactivity symptoms
Have at least two cognition and mood symptoms

These symptoms must also affect the person’s ability to perform everyday activities.

A healthcare provider will diagnose PTSD based on a mental health evaluation that includes:

A physical exam to check for other medical issues
A discussion about the trauma and symptoms
Questionnaires about the person’s experiences and symptoms

A common self-report questionnaire used to assess PTSD is the PTSD Checklist (PCL), which asks how often a person experiences PTSD symptoms over a period of time.

PTSD can occur after a person experiences or witnesses a traumatic event, such as an accident, natural disaster, or act of violence. Symptoms include:

Flashbacks or nightmares
Feelings of sadness, fear, or anger
Feeling detached from others
Avoiding people or situations that remind the person of the trauma
Having strong negative reactions to ordinary things

Most people will recover from the initial reactions to a traumatic event over time.

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PTSD and Childhood Trauma

PTSD flashbacks: reliving the past. My childhood trauma began in first grade. I didn’t understand what was happening or why I was being singled out for emotional and physical abuse. I had the meanest teacher there ever was. She was constantly picking on me. I was the weakest link in the class, and she honed in on that. She exploited my shyness and insecurites,

I was a frickin little kid for Christ’s sake. And that’s how she got away with it. I bet there are more children who were affected by her.

So gradually, the PTSD from childhood trauma followed me as an adult. All my problems surfaced in my teens. I was angry at the world all the time. When I had ECT done, why couldn’t it have wiped out those memories I didn’t want? I can still feel the pain of her pulling on my hair. All those years growing up, I thought I was at fault. I thought if I gave everything people wanted, it would appease them. So, I became a people pleaser.

PTSD From Abuse

PTSD flashbacks: reliving the past. Most of my issues with my mental illnesses were never dealt with as the root cause until my last therapist. All those years of seeing therapists, they never once asked about my childhood. When my last therapist asked, I told her about my teacher. The therapist even apologized, saying she was sorry I had to go through that.

I kept having these images of someone pulling on my hair, thinking it meant something else. Something metaphorically. I always thought I was the bad student and needed to be punished. It seemed like the abuse continued through my adult life with boyfriends and my first ex-husband.

Emotional PTSD

I was very emotional with PTSD. I withdrew inside myself. So, I felt I wouldn’t get hurt that way. It just made me isolate more and become very lonely. I didn’t have any real friends, nor did I want to make any. That loneliness turned into self hatred. That’s why I became suicidal most of the time.

Yet not one of the many therapists I had tried to get to the root cause, except my last therapist. They’re taught to deal with the symptoms at hand and not delve further to the root cause.

Types of Flashbacks PTSD

People with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) can experience different types of flashbacks, including:

Somatic Flashbacks

A physical re-experiencing of the trauma, such as feeling pain, discomfort, or sensations like sweating or a racing heartbeat. People may also see images or hear sounds from the event.

Emotional Flashbacks

Intense feelings related to the trauma, without necessarily revisiting the event mentally.

I was scared of everyone back then. I didn’t want anyone to be mad at me. That’s why the people pleaser developed. To this day, I don’t like conflict.

Full Sensory Flashbacks

A vivid re-experiencing of the trauma, along with the associated emotions and physical sensations.

Memory-Based Flashbacks

A sudden re-experiencing of the trauma, such as seeing images, hearing sounds, or feeling physical sensations.

I mostly remember the pain when she pulled on my hair. To this day, I don’t like people touching my hair. You should see me when I go to my beautician.

Flashbacks can be triggered by reminders of the traumatic event, such as people, places, objects, sounds, or smells. Flashbacks can be so realistic that it’s hard to distinguish them from reality. They can be disruptive to daily life, making it hard to function normally.

Intrusive Memories PTSD

PTSD flashbacks: reliving the past. I have intrusive memories from PTSD. Sometimes it shows up in my dreams. I’m having intrusive thoughts right now. It makes it hard to think of what to write about. Anyway, intrusive memories can happen at anytime of the day, but usually when I’m in a confrontation with someone, like at this very moment.

I’m learning to stand up for myself, since I couldn’t before. It feels invigorating. It’s giving so much more self-confidence. I feel like I’m beating my teacher with every accomplishment. She took my childhood away from me. I’ll be damned if she’s going to take all my adulthood. So, screw the intrusive memories.

Types of Therapy for PTSD

Processing Therapy

Processing therapy is reliving trauma in a therapy setting. I wished I could have gone through that. It would have helped me immensely. Talk about processing something. I’m trying to stand up for my dad and myself by kicking two not-so-welcomed people out of the house, and they won’t leave. I could sure use your guys guidance now.

Mindfulness for PTSD

Mindfulness-based treatments can be an effective way to help people with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) manage their symptoms:

Reduce avoidanceMindfulness can help people accept their trauma-related experiences and reduce their avoidance of trauma reminders.
Improve focusMindfulness can help people stay grounded in the present moment, which can help them process intrusive memories.
Improve brain connectivityMindfulness-based treatments may help restore connectivity between large-scale brain networks in people with PTSD.
Reduce symptomsStudies show that people who participate in mindfulness-based interventions have lower levels of PTSD symptoms than those in control groups. The longer the intervention, the greater the reduction in symptoms.

Some mindfulness techniques that may help with PTSD include:

Grounding techniques: So, focus on five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste.
Deep breathing: Notice the rising and falling of your breath, and simply watch it pass.
Reframing trauma: Consider trauma as something that happens in the body, mind, and emotions due to what has happened to you.

EMDR for PTSD

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is a type of therapy that’s been proven to effectively treat post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). In fact, most clinical guidelines recommend EMDR as a go-to treatment for PTSD.

EMDR helps people work through traumatic memories and emotions to reduce symptoms and support long-term healing. During sessions, a therapist leads the patient through specific steps that stimulate bilateral brain activity. The most common way to do this is with eye movements, but it can also involve alternating sounds or taps.

The eight phases of EMDR therapy are:

History taking and treatment planning
Preparation
Assessment
Desensitization
Installation
Body scan
Closure
Reevaluation

EMDR is also accessible through telehealth platforms, which can help make mental health care more accessible to people with mobility constraints or who face barriers to in-person therapy.

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CBT for PTSD

PTSD flashbacks: reliving the past. So, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is a talking therapy that can be effective treatment for post-traumatic stress disorder:

How it works: CBT helps people manage problems by changing their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. It’s based on the idea that improving one area can lead to improvements in others. For example, changing unhelpful thoughts can lead to healthier behaviors and better mood regulation.
How it’s delivered: CBT is typically delivered over 12–16 sessions, either individually or in a group.
Types of CBT for PTSD: Some types of CBT for PTSD include:
- Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT): The therapist and patient work together to identify and challenge inaccurate thoughts about the trauma.
- Prolonged Exposure (PE): The patient is gradually exposed to thoughts, feelings, and situations they’ve been avoiding.
Other treatments for PTSD: Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) is another psychological treatment that can help reduce PTSD symptoms.
Support groups: Charities like Combat Stress offer peer support and advice for people with PTSD.

CBT can also help improve other issues that often co-occur with PTSD, such as anxiety, depression, and behavior problems.

Coping With PTSD

Coping with PTSD is not easy. Right now, I’m fighting a battle to assert myself, because all those years before I wouldn’t. I was too afraid of the consequences. I was just a child. So, I never learned how to, because an adult (the teacher) took that away from me.

So now, I’m finally learning to, and it feels really good. Although, it brings me back to childhood when I was being bullied. All those days that I succumbed to derogatory remarks by fellow classmates. And then the insecurity that set in. I was insecure in my skin almost my whole life…until now. I’m fighting for myself and to know what it feels like to be human again.

Sum It All Up

PTSD flashbacks: reliving the past. Every once in a while, I still have PTSD flashbacks when I’m defending myself. Take now for example, I’m defending myself against a tyrant who thinks everything should go her way. Life isn’t always like that. You have to take the good with the bad. That was a lesson I had to learn. So basically, I’m dealing with another bully. Only this time I’m standing up for myself.

I can’t imagine being a veteran and having PTSD flashbacks. That has to be something horrific. Also, any amount of stress could activate them. I believe what I have been through doesn’t even compare to what they have gone through.

So, we deal with our own PTSD flashbacks in our own way. Me…I’m defending myself against a bully, which I should have done when I was in school. Peace and always love. Until next time…