Isolation and Identity: Who Are You When No One Is Watching?

Maybe you want to break free from isolation, but don’t know how. Right now, I’m afraid to leave this room. This is my safe place. I do miss conversing with people, but my anxiety is more powereful.

Just when I think I’ve got it under control by going to the store, it reigns me back in. So I don’t leave again for a while. My existence is this room, nothing more. I’ve got food, so I don’t have to leave. Although, sometimes I venture into the kitchen.

This is no way to live, and I know that, but feel helpless to stop it. I stare at the four walls like they are going to magically fall away, and I will be set free. But of course, that never happens.

Let’s face it, I’m a prisoner from my own mind. If I could just open that door to the outside world, I would be set free, but my anxiety keeps me in check. Good old anxiety.

“If you go deeper and deeper into your own heart, you’ll be living in a world with less fear, isolation, and loneliness.” – Sharon Salzberg

Isolated Meaning

Isolated meaning is like being psychologically in a prison you want to escape from, but your mind keeps telling you your safe as long as you don’t leave your built up protection against the world outside.

It tells you that there is danger outside of that door and to avoid it at all costs. Mind games are what hold you back. A little “don’t go there,” or “there’s danger outside of those four walls” hits home when you deal with anxiety.

How did it come to this point? You are not completely safe anywhere (even when you isolate). But is it about safety, or something deeper? Childhood trauma or even trauma as an adult that makes us want to hide from the world.

Mine was childhood trauma. I was made as an example by my first grade teacher of what would happen if you misbehave in class. After that, I became a people pleaser inside and out. My isolation grew from not wanting to get in trouble.

Covid Isolation CDC

When Covid isolation hit is when my inward isolation really turned ugly. Initially, everyone had to stay hold up in their homes for fear of a bigger outbreak. The world was put on hold.

I found that that isolation allowed me to protect me from the world outside and dealing with my social anxiety. I thought this was great! Until it grew into being a prison for me. I felt sufficated when I stepped outside.

After that, I realized I had created my own prison in my head. It wasn’t about Covid, it was about the fear that I couldn’t live up to other people’s expectations of me. I know, that is wrong, but I was taught that at a young age by my teacher.

Social Isolation

Social isolation is my true enemy. I never really like crowds and was extremely shy. Making friends wasn’t easy. As of now, I don’t have any friends to talk to. It is a lonely place to be, but I try to keep myself busy.

There are times when isolation hasn’t depleted my capacity to enjoy life. I force myself to go out of the house and into public areas. Some things that are the hardest become easier with every passing moment of doing the hardest part of life.

When I’m in my room, I feel protected. Against what, I’m not sure. Maybe myself. Maybe the anxiety of being seen as someone who is so weak that they feel compromised. I always fear of having panic attacks out in public.

But forcing myself to meet my demons is the the right way to overcome this. If I don’t, I will forever be afraid of every little deterent that that is put in my face. I don’t want to live like that, and I shouldn’t have to.

“A person is a person through other persons; you can’t be human in isolation; you are human only in relationships.” – Desmond Tutu

Isolated Antonyms

Synonyms for “isolated” include secluded, solitary, remote, lonely, and detached, while antonyms are integrated, united, accompanied, and sociable.

I am slowly integrating my life back into society. I’ve been lonely for so long, the emptiness has intertwined with my low self-confidence. Self-confidence is something you slowly build, until one day you break free like a butterfly from its cocoon.

I’m trying to become more sociable during my appointments and when I visit with one of my neighbors. I used to feel self-conscious when talking to people by saying the wrong thing. What really is the wrong thing?

Our minds perceive that if we speak something that we think is wrong, that’s the end. Don’t ever try it again. Just stay hauled up in your room! The act of wrong doing is doing something against the law. not speaking your truth.

We have a right to our opinions and can speak freely about them. What I’m saying is your voice is never wrong, because years ago, someone told you it was (over and over). Don’t be silent, speak with conviction and truth, because you were meant to.

Intimacy vs Isolation

When this stage goes well, people build close relationships, feel loved, and have a strong support system. When it does not go well, they may feel alone, lonely, and struggle to open up or commit to others.

Intimacy vs. isolation is a stage of early adulthood. In this stage, people try to build close, lasting relationships, while still keeping their own independence and sense of self.

My relationship building during my childhood and even through adulthood sucked. I didn’t know how to form friendships, because I was always judged. Sometimes by my own self. “I’m not good enough to be their friend.”

My two marriages were a disaster. I always felt that if I got to close to someone, they would see the real me (false me), and would disappear. I tried to make the marriages work, but there was a part of me that couldn’t let them in.

Self-Isolation

I hide in my room most days. There are times when I feel strong enough to venture out. But for the most part, I hide. Like I mentioned earlier, it started during the Covid shutdown and grew from there.

There’s days when I’m “comfortable” with it, then there are days I feel the need for connection. That’s why I love going to any of my appointments. So why do I hide those other days in my room? I believe it’s because of the safeness (so to speak).

There is a certain peace that I don’t want to depart with on my bads days. I am protected by these four walls. Nothing bad can happen here (totally unsubstantiated).But that’s what my mind believes.

I’ve created a place that protects me from harm and ridicule. Ridicule, in one’s eye, is the most unsubstantiated personas that is feared by most. I experienced it in the first grade and onward into adulthood. I was so ashamed of myself, I hid from everyone.

But, I was just a child, I didn’t understand what was happening. My teacher made a mockery of me in front of my peers, I felt so isolated from being a “normal” child.

“The walls of isolation are not as solid as your suffering makes them seem.” – Deepak Chopra

Social Isolation Treatment

There are many treatments for social isolation, but here are a few that really worked for me.

Talk To Strangers

When I go to the grocery store, I find people (such as older people) that are having difficulty with obtaining a specific item. I offer them help, and they are grateful for the help. Doing a good deed can boost your self-confidence in any way imaginable.

It plants that seed of strength to get you out of hiding, and into the social world again. I even smile and talk to people whom I’ve almost hit carts with coming around the corner (those can be tricky).

Most people are pleasant and are not what you imagined them to be, mean and harsh. On the days where I can’t quite leave that room, I write in my journal, so I can express my feelings out on paper, and see what is holding me back.

Getting Stuck In Overthinking & Insecurity

Overthinking is one of the worst problems to overcome. There’s always the “why’s.” “Why I shouldn’t do this or that?” What would happen if something should go wrong?(God forbid)

Your brain works up scenerios about the process and the outcome to the point where you just want to give up. And most people do. They can’t handle the not knowing part of it.

To overcome this, try to calm your mind down (meditation or music), and let your mind go free of thought. Picture a place that is serene and full of things that reverborate relaxation.

Once you feel relaxed, picture yourself solving the problem and everything working out the way you hoped it would. We have to step out of our stuck minds and start thinking outside the box.

How To Tackle Worry With A Problem Analysis Strategy

Of course, trying to untangle these emotions can feel like too much at times. Before we move on to coping with social isolation and finding the silver lining, it helps to break your thoughts and feelings into smaller, clear pieces.

Think of it like being a detective on a case. Each clue brings you closer to understanding what is really going on.

To help with this, we created the Anxiety Tracker & Problem Analysis Strategy. It acts like your magnifying glass. It guides you to spot what is weighing on you, sort through your worries, and turn them into simple action steps.

When you look deeper at the “why” behind your feelings, you build a strong base for ongoing growth. Then the next steps start to feel much easier and clearer.

Focus On The Positive

Start focusing on what you can do, what you do have. If your struggling list at least 5 things a day you are grateful for. Focus on the gift of life, your friends, family, food, home and the comforts you have around you.

Focus on the love and care from everyone who is trying to keep us safe. I try to be grateful with all my struggles, that I’m still thriving to become better at just being human (even with mistakes).

It’s true, I stay in my room more often than not, but I still try to make the effort to go out of my comfort zone. Every time I do, I gain a piece of me that my teacher tried to take away.

“Loneliness expresses the pain of being alone and solitude expresses the glory of being alone.” -Unknown

Sum It All Up

This may have turned into a dark post about isolation, but it can be a dark place to be. When you make the decision to release from it, you see the light again. Although, you may be a changed person, hopefully it is for the better.

You learn a lot about yourself in those days of darkness. For me, I learned I had the strength to replace self-loathing with self-loving. There were many variables that would try to hold me back, but I kept pushing forward.

My teacher thought she could take away the one thing from me that I didn’t know at the time (being a child), was my pride in loving who I was.

It took many years to learn that I matter even though my teacher didn’t think so. I still have bouts of isolation today, but I always bounce back from it on the winning end.

Cindee Murphy
“One voice who misses having friends.”