Grief and Anxiety: Excessive Worrying About Losing a Loved One

Having grief and anxiety and have excessive worrying about losing a loved one is not normal. Anxiety is a very common feature of grief that is often neglected. Therefore, it is a natural response of the attachment system to separation from a loved one. This has seen in adults as well as children. In addition, loss of a loved one can trigger the onset of a DSM-IV anxiety disorder . When present, it can derail the mourning process and prolong acute grief.

The definition of bereavement is the experience of losing someone or something meaningful to us. Hence, it typically refers to the feeling of grief following the death of a loved one, but it can also apply to other forms of loss, such as the end of a relationship, the loss of a job, or the loss of a home.

The American Psychological Association (APA) defines grief as lasting from six months to two years. Furthermore, symptoms gradually improve as time passes. It’s important to remember that grief doesn’t fit into neat boxes or timelines. Everyone’s grief and grieving timelines are different. Also, there’s never a time when you’re “done” with grief. Your connection with a loved one who’s passed, a dissolved marriage, an abandoned dream, etc., becomes integrated into your ongoing life story. Therefore, it’s forever a part of who you are.

“If you cannot hold me in your arms, then hold my memory in high regard. And if I cannot be in your life, then at least let me live in your heart.”― Ranata Suzuki

Grief Brain

Now it seems you may go days without doing a thing; even though you had multiple items you “planned” to do. Even more, you find yourself getting lost while driving to familiar places or arriving and wondering, “how did I get here?” You might forget appointments, scheduled activities, or familiar names.

These are symptoms of Grief Brain. Don’t worry, this is a natural part of grief. Due to grief, your brain is on overload with thoughts of grief, sadness, loneliness and many other feelings. Nonetheless, Grief Brain affects your memory, concentration, and cognition. Your brain is focused on the feelings and symptoms of grief which leaves little room for your everyday tasks.

Therefore, it is important to be gentle and patient with yourself. It may be unreasonable or impossible to expect to complete your normal tasks as you did before your loved one died. In addition, be mindful about setting reasonable expectations and build from there. For this reason, to help yourself focus, write things down on a legal pad or tablet and keep it on a nearby table where you can readily refer to it.

Ask for help when you have grief and anxiety and have excessive worrying about losing a loved one, please talk to someone. Get plenty of rest. Recite positive affirmations. Additionally, journaling is an excellent form of therapy and will help release the many feelings you are experiencing. As you heal, you will find that your thinking is clearer/ sharper and your judgement becomes more reliable and you can accomplish more.

Symptoms of Grief

 Emotional Symptoms of Grief

Given that, people who are grieving often describe emotions as “coming in waves.” It may feel as if emotions wash over you without warning. Overall, grief causes people to experience the entire spectrum of emotions — from sadness to anger to joy. You may sometimes feel detached from your emotions and operate as if you were on autopilot.

Hence, you may experience confusing and conflicting emotions, too, such as:

Sadness that a loved one’s gone but relief that they’re at peace.
Yearning for a spouse after a divorce but also excitement that you get another shot at love.
Guilt for feeling grateful that you no longer have to provide exhausting around-the-clock care for a dying relative.
Lastly, competing feelings of apathy, anger, sadness and regret as you grieve the loss of a friend or family member with whom you had a strained or hostile relationship.

 Physical Symptoms of Grief

In essence, loss is an extreme stressor that can take a major physical toll on your body. Grief can overwork your nervous system. In short, it can cause a weakened immune system that makes it easier for you to get sick.

Symptoms include:

Firstly, fatigue.
Headaches.
Nausea.
Restlessness.
Upset stomach.
Heart palpitations.
Weak muscles or joint pain.
Tightness in your chest or throat.
Having reduced or increased appetite.
Lastly, trouble sleeping (insomnia) or sleeping too much.

 Behavioral Symptoms of Grief

Therefore, grief can make it hard to concentrate or complete tasks. Symptoms include:

Confusion.
Trouble thinking or making decisions.
Feeling as if you’ve lost a sense of hope or direction.
Difficulty focusing on anything other than your loss.
Lastly, difficulty remembering or keeping track of your responsibilities.

“The splendid thing about falling apart silently…is that you can start over as many times as you like.”― Sanober Khan, A Thousand Flamingos

Anxiety After a Death of a Parent

If you are having grief and anxiety and have excessive worrying about losing a loved one, please seek help. Consequently, grieving is a personal process, and just as feelings after the loss of a loved one may differ from person to person, so can mental health effects.

In particular, Beth Tyson, MA, a psychotherapist and childhood grief and trauma consultant in Philadelphia, says the way that mental health is impacted by loss may depend on many factors, including:

firstly, the age of the parent when they died
the cause of death (prolonged illness, unexpected, violent)
the age of the child when the parent died
the relationship with the parent
preexisting mental health conditions
previous exposure to trauma, including other losses
lack of family or social support
lastly, other life stressors on top of grief, such as the loss of a job or significant relationship

As a matter of fact, Andrea Dorn, MSW, LISW-CP, a psychotherapist in Columbia, South Carolina, and author of “When Someone Dies: A Children’s Mindful How-To Guide on Grief and Loss,” says some people may develop post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) as a result of losing a parent — especially if the loss of the parent is traumatic.

According to Dorn, some of the most common types of anxiety she sees after the loss of a parent include:

health anxiety and somatic symptoms disorder
separation anxiety
panic attacks or panic disorder
generalized anxiety

Consequently, Dorn says that while many people show signs of these anxieties, the symptoms may not always be severe enough to result in a clinical diagnosis.
Another key point, she adds is that some people also develop obsessions or compulsions as a result of their anxiety, like ruminating thoughts or checking the locks or stove.

How To Stop Worrying About Losing a Loved One

Trying to totally stop anxiety or worries tends to backfire, and we end up thinking about the topic more than ever. So the first step can be acceptance. Accept that you are experiencing anxiety around losing a loved one. Then try the following:

MAKE A LIST OF ALL YOUR CONCERNS. Anxiety is powerful because it feels out of control, sending our thoughts on endless spirals. But if we take the time to sit and write out on paper what is behind the anxiety? Our life can be less out of control than we think. What are the very worse things that would happen if you lost your loved one? That you wouldn’t have a place to live, or anyone to talk to? What are possible solutions to each problem?
IDENTIFY WHAT YOU’VE ALREADY LOST. You might be more resilient than you realize. Subsequently, loss is a part of life and you’ve likely already successfully navigated some, and come through the other side. Write out things you really valued that you lost, whether that was a childhood friend moving away, or having to graduate from a school you liked being at. See if you can remember what you did to navigate that loss and bounce back.
PRACTICE MINDFULNESS. After that is mindfulness. It is a technique to help you stay in the present moment, instead of being lost to worries about a future you can control and a past you can’t change. We can become more grateful for what is right in front of us. Read our easy how-to ‘Guide to Mindfulness‘ and start practicing as soon as today.
LEARN ABOUT DEATH AND DYING. Major cities now have w.scuss their fears of death and dying with a ‘death doula’, someone who understands the process. Therefore, even simple things like learning how a funeral is arranged and how the grieving process works can demystify the process we all at some point face. Visit a ‘death cafe’, read about other people’s experiences, or ask people you know who have gone through a bereavement to share their story.
TALK ABOUT YOUR FEAR WITH SUPPORTIVE OTHERS. You might want to share you anxiety with your loved one themselves. But, if this seems a bad idea, try a trusted friend or family member.

Depression Hotline

988

Suicide prevention and mental health crisis lifeline
Access point to statewide community-based crisis resources such as mobile crisis outreach teams
Specialized intervention by certified crisis workers with advanced training in de-escalation and clinical suicide prevention
Confidential, free, and available 24/7/365

“I want to be like water. I want to slip through fingers, but hold up a ship.”― Michelle Williams

Overcome Grief

Hence, the five stages of grief
Denial: “This can’t be happening to me.”

Anger: “Why is this happening? Who is to blame?”

Bargaining: “Make this not happen, and in return I will __.”

Depression: “I’m too sad to do anything.”

Acceptance: “I’m at peace with what happened.”

All things considered, if you are experiencing any of these emotions following a loss, it may help to know that your reaction is natural and that you’ll heal in time. However, not everyone who grieves goes through all of these stages—and that’s okay.

Conclusion

All in all, working through grief and anxiety and excessice worrying for a loved one, you should never have to be a solo endeavor. If you have financial tasks or other life tasks that need to be addressed after a loss, don’t hesitate to ask family and friends to step in and lend aid. Therefore, talking with a counselor about the loss and gaining tools to manage symptoms can also help prevent complicated grief or the development of an anxiety disorder. Also, make sure that you check in with your doctor to make sure that physical health issues aren’t also contributing to your level of anxiety.

With the right self-care and support, you can gain back your sense of control after a loss. Life may not feel manageable now, but with time and the right tools, you can begin to sculpt the life you want for yourself and care for your mind and body. What steps can you take today to help manage your anxiety and navigate grief?

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