Feeling Lonely

Have you ever had the feeling of being alone, but you’re standing in a crowd? What constitutes loneliness? Loneliness is the state of distress or discomfort that results when one perceives a gap between one’s desires for social connection and actual experiences of it. Even some people who are surrounded by others throughout the day—or are in a long-lasting marriage—still experience a deep and pervasive loneliness.

“I’m so lonely” you think to yourself. You have family, you have friends, but yet you feel sad and lonely. The million dollar question… WHY? Why are some people more receptive to it than others? But, once you figure out the why, things start to change. You stop saying ” I feel alone.” You feel whole again. That’s the one thing that people with a mental illness want to feel again…a whole person and not so lonely.

Loneliness due to isolation. That’s the one I’m experiencing right now. Because of the Parkinson’s Disease and anxiety, I hardly go out. I want so much to have a conversation with my dad, but the anxiety stops that. Subsequently, I am so sick of hiding in my room. I try to pretend everything is ok, but it seriously isn’t. I just want to be whole again.

Dealing With Loneliness

As I have mentioned earlier, my dealing with loneliness is isolation. I know that sounds ignorant because the isolation exacerbates the loneliness. How many of you try to hide from your problems, whether physical or mental? You think that’s one of the ways to avoid your problems, but it only makes it worse. We need to deal with this loneliness head on. That’s the only way we are going to win the battle with loneliness or any other problem.

I need to take my own advice and go out in public more. Do some more exposure therapy. If I sit and isolate myself, that loneliness is only going to grow and consume me. I don’t want to end up being a bitter, old lady who can’t communicate with anybody because I forgot how. Loneliness makes you angry and self loathing. Even you can’t stand yourself.

Depressed and Lonely

A lot of individuals are depressed and lonely in this world we live in. Nobody wants to deal with this day in and day out. I can’t even express how depressed I am right now. I’m so gullible. I just want to crawl in a corner and hide. Why are people so mean! No wonder I’d rather stay in my room and be depressed and isolate. It’s better than being humiliated and preyed upon.

So people, how do we deal with these feelings besides shutting off from the world. We have to make positivity out of something that is negative. Being depressed and lonely over something (or someone) isn’t going to help you. You need to step up to the plate and face your fears. That’s the only way you are going to survive in this world.

Causes of Loneliness

Loneliness has many different causes. These vary from person to person. We don’t always understand what it is about an experience that makes us feel lonely.

Certain life events or experiences may make you feel lonely, such as:

Experiencing a bereavement
Going through a relationship break-up
Retirement
Changing jobs
Starting at university
Experiencing mental health problems
Becoming a parent
Moving to a new area or country without family, friends or community networks
You may feel lonely at certain times of the year. For example, around holidays like Christmas, Ramadan or Valentine’s day.

Research suggests that some people are more vulnerable to loneliness than others. For example, if you:

Have no friends or family
Are estranged from your family
Are a single parent or care for someone else, and find it hard to maintain a social life
Belong to minority group and live in an area where there aren’t many people with a similar background to you
Are excluded from social activities because of mobility problems
Don’t have much money for certain social activities
Are shielding because you’re at risk of serious illness from COVID-19 or other conditions
Experience discrimination and stigma because of a disability or long-term health problem. For example, mental health problems
Experience discrimination and stigma because of your gender, race or your gender or sexual identity
Have experienced sexual or physical abuse, which may mean you find it harder to form close relationships with other people

Fear of Being Alone

Nobody wants the feeling lonely. Us human beings are social creatures as they say. Although some people like being left alone. Kudos to them. There are times that we want to be alone . Then, there are times when we need to communicate with another individual. When you don’t feel like being alone, but there is nobody to talk to, what do you do? Talk to yourself! Why not, nobody’s around. It’s better than that fear of you not being able to talk to a single person.

We all have the fear of being alone in the unknown. By the unknown, I mean not knowing what to do in a scary situation. It could be a place or even a feeling you’ve never experienced before. We need input from other people. How are we to make a decision without input? Eventually, we make a decision, but is it right or wrong (without input)? So, if you’re afraid of being alone, it’s a feeling that many other people are experiencing right along with you.

Overcoming Loneliness

Overcoming loneliness. Do we ever completely overcome it? It’s always going to be there in some way, shape and form. Also, do we ever truly get over that fear of being left alone. It’s something that is always hanging around close to the edge. Better be careful, otherwise you’ll go off the deep end.

Loneliness (to some people) is worse than death. They view it as torture. So how do we overcome the loneliness when there is nobody else around? We have to have a different mindset and stop beating ourselves up about our problems. Problems can be worked out or solved. Don’t go and hide from your problems. If you do, they’re always going to torture you especially in your loneliness. If you have to, converse with yourself. Talk and figure your problems out loud. You might get the answer you’re looking for.

Loneliness Awareness Week. Save the date for Loneliness Awareness Week, hosted by Marmalade Trust: 10th – 16th June 2024. Join us on social media for campaign updates or sign up to our newsletter.

Conclusion

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If you think “I’m lonely,” you’re not the only one. There are many people out there who are just existing because of loneliness and not living their life the way they were meant to. Feeling alone is a very humanistic response. Most of us don’t like to be alone, we feel empty inside if we are.

Some tips and suggestions for managing feelings of loneliness:

Learn more about being comfortable in your own company
Try and open up to people you know
Take it slow
Make new connections
Try not to compare yourself to others
Look after yourself
Try talking therapies

Some people find these ideas useful. But remember that different things work for different people at different times. Only try what you feel comfortable with, and try not to put too much pressure on yourself.

If something isn’t working for you (or doesn’t feel possible just now), you can try something else or come back to it another time.