Today, I want to discuss first hand what its like to be bipolar. I have been going through a roller coaster of mostly highs but some lows also. My thoughts are all over the place. I’m having trouble thinking of what to say because of this. I’ m caught between taking medicine for these highs and my Parkinson’s Disease. My doctor put me back on Lithium (per my request). I took it 2 nights in a row and my anxiety and the movements got worse. It takes me forever to fall asleep because of the movements, so I stopped the Lithium. I’m warning you now that I’m going to say some ideas that one can contribute to having Bipolar with Psychotic Features. You have a right to your opinion, I will respect that. To discuss furthure the different types of bipolar disorders such as:

Types Of Bipolar Disorders

Bipolar I Disorder: This is the most severe form of bipolar disorder and is characterized by at least one manic episode lasting at least a week, and often involves hospitalization.

Bipolar II Disorder: This type of bipolar disorder involves episodes of major depression and hypomania (a milder form of mania) that alternate over time.

Cyclothymic Disorder: This is a milder form of bipolar disorder characterized by numerous periods of hypomania and less severe depression over a period of at least two years.

Rapid-Cycling Bipolar Disorder: This involves having four or more episodes of major depression, mania, hypomania, or mixed episodes within a year.

Mixed Bipolar Disorder: This involves experiencing both manic and depressive symptoms at the same time, or within a short amount of time.

I’m trying to see which one I fall under. Like I said, I haven’t really had any depression, it’s been mainly mania with a lot of anxiety. I really can’t take this anymore. Yesterday and a little while ago I took some Atenolol which when I took it yesterday, it helped out a lot. Like I described in one of my posts, Atenolol is a beta blockers which helps fight against anxiety. It is used primarily for high blood pressure, but it wasn’t helping me in that aspect. I was taken off of it in June, so I could be put on a different medicine. The anxiety got worse again after that. These doctors now a days don’t listen. He could of put me on another med along with the Atenolol. Just because I don’t have a medical degree doesn’t mean I’m oblivious to what’s going on and how I feel while taking a certain medicine.

Different Symptoms Of Bipolar Between Men And Women

I wonder if bipolar symptoms in women is different than bipolar symptoms in men. I know that men with bipolar disorder are more likely to experience manic episodes characterized by irritability, grandiosity, and psychosis. On the other hand, women with bipolar disorder are more likely to experience depressive episodes, rapid cycling of mood episodes, and mixed episodes characterized by both manic and depressive symptoms. Women may also experience different hormonal changes throughout their menstrual cycle and during pregnancy that can impact the course of bipolar disorder.

Bipolar With Psychotic Features

Bipolar disorder with psychotic features, also known as bipolar psychosis, is a type of bipolar disorder in which a person experiences both severe mood swings and psychosis. Psychosis involves a loss of touch with reality and can include hallucinations (seeing or hearing things that are not there) and delusions (false beliefs that persist even in the face of evidence to the contrary). When a person with bipolar disorder experiences psychosis, they may have episodes in which they feel disconnected from reality. During manic or hypomanic episodes, psychotic symptoms can include grandiose delusions (believing that they have special powers or are on a special mission), paranoid delusions (feeling as if others are out to get them), or auditory hallucinations (hearing things that are not there).

I have had some psychotic experiences. The episodes seem so real. Things that happened can not be explained (at least by me). I saw and heard things such as seeing a cloaked figure floating down the hallway and also, I heard laughter. I saw this thing in red several times through out several months. I heard the laughter when I was trying to keep the thing out of the house to protect my cat. I believed it was after my cat and in the end, it got what it came for. I honestly swear that I had no thoughts on putting my cat down before that final day. I keep torturing myself with the final ride to the vet. It’s almost like he sensed what was going to happen. The only thing that was seriously wrong with him was that he was severely under weight. How can a cat be fine (and healthy) one day and be severely underweight the next day. He was literally just skin and bones and he had maggots on him. I just don’t get it! You can say I was hallucinating, on the other hand, certain things can’t be explained. I am a big fan of having things explained to me.

Bipolar Affective Disorder (BPAD)

I could go into more unexplainable instances, maybe in a different post. Even throughout what happened, I felt very level headed. The anxiety came to a full head that particular day when I put my cat down. Before the series of events, I felt fine. I know that I could tell you till I’m blue in the face about how I felt fine and some (or most) of you won’t believe me. That’s fine, all I know is I witnessed something (like his weight change) that can’t be explained.

I consider myself a very level headed person even through all of these incidences and my diagnoses’, Yes, in the past, I have had hallucinations and I would be the first to admit to it. I know how bad it sounds to say that I saw this red cloaked figure several times. I will be honest with you, those incidences of seeing and hearing things could be chalked up to hallucinating, but I digress to the weight change. My dad even witnessed it. He didn’t really say anything, but he saw it with his own eyes. He thought I had done that to my cat. I would NEVER HURT an animal. They bring to much joy to my life.

Conclusion

I try to write posts that are relatable, but don’t sound to far fetched. This post may have crossed that line, (there’s a but coming)… but I just had to get it off of my chest. This has been bothering me since March 26. 2023 @ 4:00PM (when I put Bree down). For a while, I was doing pretty good, but this past couple of months has been brutal, to say the least, especially with the anxiety. I completely understand if you think I was hallucinating, maybe I was. It’s just some of the things that happened don’t add up. Even I know that besides all the problems I have. I’m not completely that far gone right now. There have been other things that happened that can’t be explained, maybe I’ll delve into that in future posts.

Articles

-Causes Of Bipolar

https://www.webmd.com/bipolar-disorder/bipolar-disorder-causes

-What People With Bipolar Disorder Say About How They Think

https://psychcentral.com/bipolar/how-a-person-with-bipolar-thinks

-What To Know About Lithium Toxicity

https://www.webmd.com/bipolar-disorder/what-to-know-about-lithium-toxicity

Have A Good One,

Cindee, One Voice – Unstoppable

“You’re not alone”