The quiet crisis: recognizing high-functioning depression is the first step.
A few years back, I might have thought of myself as a high-functioning depressive individual. Outward, I looked fine. Inward, I felt like shit.
I was working , getting along with coworkers and had friends. But inside, I was not fine. This is when the anxiety became worse. When I started noticing unwanted movements.
Begin Parkinson’s Disease. Before, I rarely had a panic attack and those started increasing. I was a massage therapist, so I had to quit my job and went on Disability.
Forward to today…the movements are worse and my muscles ache all the time. I’ve also noticed that I’m beginning to flip letters when I’m typing a word. (juxtapose)
My memory isn’t worth crap anymore and so is my thinking. I don’t comprehend things as easily as before.
However, it’s the Olanzapine that is causing it and I’ve read some say it’s permenant, other’s say not. One of the many reason’s why I want to try microdosing.
The “Smiling Depression”
Basically, high-functioning depression, sometimes referred to as “smiling depression,” is a subtype of depression where individuals maintain a facade of functionality.
Also maintaining their success while battling internal emotional turmoil.
Unlike more traditional forms of depression that may result in visible disruptions to daily life, high-functioning depression often goes unnoticed by those around the individual.
Characteristics:
Masked Emotions: Individuals with high-functioning depression are adept at concealing their emotional struggles. Altogether, they may appear happy, successful, and engaged in their daily lives, making it challenging for others to recognize their inner turmoil.
Achievement Orientation: Many high-functioning individuals are driven by a desire for success and achievement. Despite their accomplishments, they may still grapple with feelings of emptiness or inadequacy, perpetuating the cycle of depression.
Isolation: Those with high-functioning depression may withdraw socially, choosing to face their battles alone. Therefore, this isolation can create a sense of loneliness and exacerbate feelings of despair.
Impact:
Internal Conflict: Living with high-functioning depression can create a profound internal conflict. Hence, individuals often struggle to reconcile their external achievements with their internal emotional state.
Physical Health: The mind-body connection is powerful. Generally, high-functioning depression can manifest in physical symptoms such as fatigue, headaches, and disrupted sleep patterns.
Relationships: Maintaining a facade can strain relationships, as friends and family may struggle to understand the emotional challenges faced by their seemingly successful loved one.
What are the Potential Causes of High-Functioning Depression?
The quiet crisis: recognizing high-functioning depression can be difficult.
Comparatively, high-functioning depression can have many potential causes, including a combination of life events, personal factors, and changes in the brain:
- Firstly, Stressful life events: Such as the death of a loved one, trauma, divorce, isolation, or lack of support
- Personality traits: Such as low self-esteem, being too dependent or self-critical, or always thinking the worst will happen
- History of other mental health disorders: Such as a personality disorder
- Fourthly, Medical conditions: Such as chronic pain or chronic conditions like diabetes
- Medication: Some medications can cause depression as a side effect
- Genetic vulnerability: Such as having a first-degree blood relative with major depressive disorder or other depressive disorders
- Lastly, Faulty mood regulation by the brain: Such as epigenetics or neuroticism
High-Functioning Depression Symptoms
Particularly, people with high-functioning depression may have similar symptoms to those with clinical depression or major depressive disorder, including:
1. Difficulty experiencing joy
With high-functioning depression, the things that used to bring you pleasure — whether this is a cherished yoga class or a monthly ritual of getting together with your girlfriends — these same things don’t bring you joy anymore.
At this point, they may feel like burdens or events you want to avoid because it feels like more of an effort than a support.
2. Relentless criticality — of self and others
You may have a relentless and invasive internal narrative that’s critical of yourself, of others and of the world in general.
You think you’re a failure, you think your boss is an idiot, your partner’s the most irritating person to have ever lived, and life’s just one big slog.
Subsequently, this chronically negative thought pattern may feel like something you just can’t turn off.
3. Constant self-doubt
You may constantly doubt whether or not you’re on the right career path, whether you’re in the right relationship, doubt what you’re doing with your life and if you can even handle being an adult.
This pattern of constant self-doubt may be situational or pervasive but it’s something that feels like you just can’t get over.
4. Diminished energy
The Quiet Crisis: Recognizing High-Functioning Depression when you have no energy. If it feels like getting through each day is like walking up a mountain with a backpack of rocks.
Also, you feel like you barely have the mental, emotional and physical energy to handle your life anymore.
Your overall energy levels are greatly diminished. These all could be a sign of high-functioning depression.
5. Irritability or excessive anger.
If you find yourself blowing up over small things — your partner says something wrong, your co-worker messed up a project, your kid just broke your favorite coffee mug.
At length, you find yourself exploding in a way that feels disproportionate to the event. If irritability and excessive anger are something you’re wrestling with, this may be a sign.
6. Small things feel like huge things.
Similarly, if you find yourself feeling overwhelmed or greatly stressed by an event that happens that maybe wouldn’t have felt like such a huge deal in the past (a friend cancels weekend plans, the grocery bags break when you’re carrying them in). Accordingly, if it feels like the End Of The World instead of the annoyance that it is. At any rate, if you find your stress responses disproportionate to the event itself, this may well be a sign of high-functioning depression.
7. Feelings of guilt and worry over the past and the future.
You worry that you chose the wrong career in college. Moreover, you question whether you’re in the right grad school program.
You worry about paying off all those student loans. Furthermore, you worry your biological clock is running out.
You worry that you married the wrong partner. Even more, you worry about who’s going to care for your folks when they get older, etc.
We all have these worries from time to time, but if feelings of guilt and worry over your past and future feel pervasive and dominant, this may be more than “normal” worry.
8. Relying on your coping strategies more and more.
The quiet crisis: recognizing high-functioning depression when using too many coping skills.
If you find yourself needing extensive zone-out time after work and on the weekends, turning towards your coping mechanisms more often than not.
Such as substances or behaviors like using alcohol, drugs, excessive gaming, constant Netflix, etc.
Therefore, all in an effort to escape your life, this could speak to underlying depression.
9. Generalized sadness.
If you find yourself feeling a generalized sense of sadness you can’t seem to pinpoint the cause of.
Nonetheless, if you drop your mask and armors of smiling competency when you close your door behind you.
If you feel a subtle sense of hopelessness, all this could speak to high-functioning depression.
10. Seeking perfection.
This one’s a tough one. In a way our society condones perfectionism — getting good grades, getting into the Ivies, landing that amazing tech job, striving, striving, striving.
But perfectionism has a shadow side where striving turns into unrealistic demands of yourself and psychologically beating yourself up when you fall short of the bar you set for yourself.
Therefore, if you find yourself doing this and it’s causing you distress, be curious about whether this a sign of high-functioning depression.
11. Inability to rest and slow down.
If you need to clean up, tidy and organize the house after you arrive home from an exhausting day of work before you even consider letting yourself rest.
Obviously, if you find yourself uncomfortable with slowness, stillness and fallow periods of time because of the uncomfortable thoughts and feelings you come into contact with.
When you do actually slow down, this could be a sign of high-functioning depression.
Other Symptoms
- Firstly, Sleep: Having trouble sleeping or sleeping too much
- Concentration: Having difficulty concentrating or making decisions
- Appetite: Changes in eating habits, such as overeating or poor appetite
- Fourthly, Self-esteem: Having low self-esteem
- Social withdrawal: Avoiding social activities or losing interest in things that used to bring joy
- Lastly, Negative thoughts: Having negative thoughts about yourself and others, or feelings of guilt or worthlessness
Speaking of negative thoughts, I’m having them right now. I was fine a few hours ago. With the flip of a switch it can change.
In brief, I was proud of myself earlier, now I’m tired of life and all its downers. I know I can’t stay in a good mood forever, but going to the other extreme is gonna get me in trouble.
I start thinking irrationally and doing foolish things. Please, God help me! I’m supposed to put money into renting a house later on, but I don’t know if it’s a scam or not.
Likewise, I’ve already been scammed 3 times so far, I can’t take another one.
7 High-Functioning Depression Treatments
1. Normalize how you feel
The quiet crisis: recognizing high-functioning depression and trying different treatments.
In any case, the first step in managing depression is acknowledging that it’s okay to experience it. You may think you have high-functioning depression, but depression is a spectrum.
Obviously, it’s not black and white as saying someone is either sad lying-in bed all day, or they’re high-functioning with low self-worth.
Instead, it impacts everyone differently, and understanding how it affects you is critical to receiving the help you need.
However, it can be difficult to spot signs in yourself, especially if you’re trying to conceal your depression to appear strong.
Therefore, normalizing what you’re experiencing will help you feel safer and better about seeking coping mechanisms, including receiving support or help.
2. Set specific goals
While goal setting and feeling depressed may seem like an impossible battle, setting specific baby goals can build your self-esteem and sense of accomplishment.
For example, instead of trying to exercise every day, set a goal of 2-3 days a week to start.
And with every win you experience (working out, eating a piece of fruit instead of a sugary treat, etc.), be proud of your progress. Every move forward counts.
3. Establish a consistent sleep/wake routine
Insomnia or oversleeping are two common signs of depression. So, establishing a consistent sleep/wake routine may feel too challenging at this moment.
But while combining tip #2, set a small goal of falling asleep at 9 pm, for example, and waking up at 8 am.
To help prepare your mind for rest, try winding down by practicing meditation, a 20-minute yoga workout, journaling your thoughts, or reading a favorite book.
Any method to help you calm your racing thoughts before bedtime will help you achieve more restful sleep.
4. Practice self-forgiveness
Are you upset about an incident that happened in the past that you can’t stop thinking about? Or how unhappy you are with your job or relationship?
When we’re upset about a situation, we tend to self-criticize and turn up the self-hate volume in our minds. This self-criticism causes us to feel guilty for speaking poorly about ourselves, which feeds more self-criticism.
To interrupt this cycle, try practicing self-forgiveness. For example, you could say, “I forgive myself for judging myself for…. (Insert reason)”.
Hence, repeating this intention will help you forgive yourself for things that may be out of your control.
5. Shift your internal dialogue
Depression is both a mental and physical disorder; you may feel tired, and achy, including experiencing feelings of low worth.
Therefore, learning how to beat negative thoughts will impact your mood and make you feel better overall. One way to shift your thinking is to know your triggers.
Is there something at work that’s causing you to withdraw, become sadder, or more tired? Or is there a family member who makes you feel worse every time they call?
When you know your triggers, you will be more prepared to tackle your thoughts and choose coping mechanisms to help you overcome them…
6. Engage in coping mechanisms
The quiet crisis: recognizing high-functioning depression and using coping mechanisms.
When you’re depressed, it’s common to not feel happy or excited about doing things that once brought you joy.
As a result, it becomes more challenging to want to do anything you know will make you feel better.
Instead of feeling guilty for your lack of interest, watch a silly movie, look up self-empowering quotes, or watch a ted talk from an inspiring thought leader.
Choose any coping method that will feel easier to practice than trying to go for a run or spend time on a passion project when you’re not up for it.
7. Connect to support
One of the most important things you can do to help manage your depression is to develop emotional support.
You can do this by either reaching out to loved ones, or by finding an online support group.
Knowing you can count on a stable support system will make you feel less alone – especially when you’re experiencing a particularly bad day.
High-Functioning Anxiety and Depression
The quiet crisis: recognizing high-functioning depression and anxiety. I think I fit more in this section because of the anxiety.
In essence, a few years back, I hid the anxiety and depression by pretending to be calm, cool, and collected.
Of course, that’s not the case now, but back then I hid it very well. Then, the seams started to crack and I exploded. All the pent up anxiety/depression came gushing out.
In short, I was in a really dark place for the longest time. I had only the therapist to talk to (an hour a week, oh-boy!). I had no friends. It was a lot to go through alone.
Honestly, I’m surprised I’m still here. I keep saying that with as many times as I have tried to end my life, but…
I remember standing in front of the window, staring out, wondering how much longer I had? In fact, I never told my husband. He wouldn’t have understood. All he liked to do was get angry at everyone.
How to Help Others With High-Functioning Depression
Here are some ways you can help someone with high-functioning depression:
Check in
In sum, even if someone seems to be doing well, it’s important to check in with them.
Don’t assume you know their story, as their behavior might seem odd or cold when they’re depressed.
Share your own story
If you’re comfortable, sharing some of your own challenges, vulnerabilities, and fears can help build community with people who are struggling.
That’s why I’m sharing with all of you out there. Maybe if I help 1 person, I’ll understand copletely why I’m still alive. Basically, you guys are my therapist since I don’t have one.
Encourage treatment
If you think someone you know might be living with high-functioning depression, encourage them to talk with a healthcare provider.
Psychotherapy and support groups can be effective treatments for depression. I’m not much for sitting in front of a group of people and tell my story because at one point you might make eye contact. Not for me..
In the long run, it takes me a long time to warm up to a therapist when they’re new to me.
Sum It All Up
The quiet crisis: recognizing high-functioning depression. So, high-functioning depression, I used to be like that, but things change.
I was holding down a job and quietly suffering. I didn’t enjoy anything anymore, but I sure acted like it did.
It was so tiring. I felt like a two-faced-fool. I’m sure you might know what it’s like to have two persona’s. In short, your normal self, and then dying on the inside.
I don’t really know which one I would choose, high-functioning or lay it all on the table. Specifically, I believe I would rather people see the real me and not a fake me. Until next time…
Articles About High-Functioning Depression
-11 Little Ways To Support Someone With High-Functioning Depression
-High-functioning depression: what it is and how to manage it
https://www.calm.com/blog/high-functioning-depression
-The Reality of “High-Functioning” Depression
https://www.nami.org/depression-disorders/the-reality-of-high-functioning-depression/
Have a Good One,
Cindee Murphy, One Voice In The Vastness Of Emotions
“It’s being so happy and outgoing at work and then coming home and lying in the dark because you are so mentally exhausted. You literally are just drained of everything!”
“It’s like you’re an avatar of yourself and someone pushes the buttons of the game to make sure you do all the chores the character has to do, but deep inside you feel dead and empty and that you have no control over your destiny.”
“The worst part is, no-one f***ing believes you because you’re ‘so successful’ and ‘doing so well in life!’”
“How would I describe high-functioning depression? It’s like you’re drowning but no-one can see it, because you are a different person when around them. You still get up, still get dressed, be a great parent, still communicate etcetera … but it’s dark, really dark! You’re exhausted. It’s absolutely awful.”
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