Perfectionism and Anxiety

So, how do you stop perfectionism anxiety? I will list several causes, symptoms and treatments for perfectionism anxiety. Having unrealistic expectations about the self can contribute to increased feelings of anxiety, dissatisfaction, and difficulty coping with symptoms. Furthermore, perfectionism is usually the result of trying to live up to an internal ideal, but it can also be motivated by fear, such as worrying about how others perceive you.

Consequently, I’ve been trying to find the constantly perfect day, to stay in the perfect mood (day in, day out), and basically the perfect life. Hence, I finally came to the realization that there is no such thing. And my anxiety got better, once I stopped. How did I come to that realization? In effect, by making a huge mistake (or almost). I’m trying so hard to get out of money debt that I almost gambled my Disability away to a scammer. So, what saved me? I don’t have any money left over from my last check, otherwise, I would have gambled it away. Therefore, dealing with perfectionism and anxiety is a continous struggle.

At this point, I realized that I was being scammed. I don’t want to make any excuses, but the anxiety had a good part in it. I was trying so hard to be the perfect person (doesn’t exist), I probably would have gambled my life savings away. In other words, I’m trying to be what I never will be (if that makes any sense). Thus, “perfect” is only a word with no substance.

“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” — Lily Tomlin

What Are the Different Kinds of Perfectionism?

In short, perfection manifests itself in three domains. Self-oriented perfectionism is imposing an unrealistic desire to be perfect on oneself. Other-oriented perfectionism means imposing unrealistic standards of perfection on others. Lastly, socially-prescribed perfectionism involves perceiving unrealistic expectations of perfection from others

Perfectionism and Anxiety Causes

In sum, perfectionism is driven primarily by internal pressures, such as the desire to avoid failure or harsh judgment. There is likely a social component as well, because perfectionistic tendencies have increased substantially among young people over the past 30 years, regardless of gender or culture. Specifically, greater academic and professional competition is thought to play a role, along with the pervasive presence of social media and the harmful social comparisons it elicits.

In general, perfectionism can be a common thing to engage in periodically, however, if this is a way of life, it can be damaging to yourself and relationships around you.

Some of the potential causes of perfectionism include:

Attachment trauma in childhood
Parental expectations far exceeding any realistic standards
Punishment and punitive behavior from parents/caregivers when expectations were not met
Mental health disorders including anxiety and OCD

“People skills are the social lubricant of life.” —Vanessa Van Edwards

“People skills are the social lubricant of life.” —Vanessa Van Edwards

Perfectionism Anxiety Symptoms

In reality, perfectionists set unrealistically high expectations for themselves and others. Therefore, they are quick to find fault and overly critical of mistakes. Also, they tend to procrastinate a project out of their fear of failure. They shrug off compliments and forget to celebrate their success. Instead, they look to specific people in their life for approval and validation.

In essence, everyone’s experience with anxiety is unique, but there are certain symptoms frequently experienced by individuals with anxiety.

The most common symptoms of anxiety include but are not limited to:

Constant fear that something bad is going to happen
Difficulty sleeping
Dizziness
Excessive worrying
Irritability
Rapid heartbeat
Restlessness
Sweating
Muscle tension

In the long run, symptoms and risk factors for anxiety may impact by various elements, including type of anxiety, gender, and age.

“Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less.” —Marie Curie

Perfectionism and Anxiety Treatment

While in therapy, you may discuss the roots of your perfectionism with a therapist who can help you learn healthier perspectives. But what approaches might you encounter when seeking therapy for perfectionism?

Addressing perfectionism is a common use case of cognitive behavior therapy (CBT). At any rate, perfection is not the end goal of each undertaking. It also helps emphasize flawed beliefs, or biases, a person may have about the things they feel need to be perfect. For example, it can illustrate that one minor failure in an effort to reach an overarching goal is not a good reason to stop striving toward that goal.

In some cases, this type of therapy can help explain how perfectionism developed within the family unit and affected an individual as a member of that family.

Subsequently, hypnotherapy has helped some people change perfectionistic thought patterns. It does this by addressing and adjusting “all or nothing’ thinking, which is often a common trait in perfectionists.

Thus, in a talk therapy session, a therapist may also use one of the scales that measure perfectionism to help pinpoint the ways in which perfectionism affects you.

 Exposure Therapy for Perfectionism

Obviously, just like any habit, perfectionism is engrained behavior. You might not realize how pervasive your need for perfection is. Therefore, with exposure therapy for perfectionism, you will deliberately do things imperfectly to help break yourself of this habit. For example, your homework may be to send an email with a typo or mute yourself in a Zoom meeting. Moreover, allowing mistakes to happen and experiencing the resulting anxiety will help gradually rewire your brain away from perfectionism.

“The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.” —Nelson Mandela

Perfectionism and Social Anxiety

Similarly to people with social anxiety, perfectionists set unrealistic standards for performance in social situations. However, given their underlying sense of inferiority and tendency to view themselves negatively, they criticize themselves harshly when they do not meet their standards. Indeed, situations of interpersonal evaluation and the prospect of being judged by others are extremely threatening. And any sign that their inadequacies will be exposed to others will engender profound feelings of shame.

Hence, to compensate for their inadequacies, perfectionists often engage in behaviours that promote a sense of perfection and conceal any signs of imperfection. Particularly, perfectionists tend to assume the worst and judge their performance in social situations harshly. For the most part, their excessive self-consciousness and fear of being judged by others will trigger intense distress, persistent rumination over past events, and even greater worry regarding future events.

“Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life; define yourself.” —Harvey Fierstein

Perfectionism and Anxiety in Relationships

In brief, symptoms of anxiety can impact a person’s life at home, work, and school. Given that, as symptoms progress, relationships may suffer as a desire to withdraw and isolate from the outside world grows. Hence, people with severe anxiety may lose the desire to care for their own personal well-being and struggle to complete even basic hygiene needs.

In addition, perfectionism in relationships can lead to conflict, criticism, and lack of intimacy. When one partner expects the other to meet an impossible standard, it often means that neither person ends up being happy. Thus, it can leave one person feeling disappointed and the other person feeling unappreciated.

In any case, perfectionism can take a toll on individuals, but it can also have a damaging impact on relationships. Perfectionists hold themselves and their partners to impossible standards. Important to realize, this can lead to emotional reactivity, criticism, and a lack of flexibility. Fortunately, perfectionists can learn to be less rigid and their are steps you can take to help you and your partner.

“Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well.” —Josh Billings

Conclusion

Henceforth, higher levels of anxiety symptoms and other mental health disorders connect with perfectionism. By comparison, studies have found that symptoms of anxiety were related to perfectionism and underlying mental health disorders and associated symptoms that include OCD, social anxiety, and PTSD symptoms.

Furthermore, I’m continually working on my perfectionism and anxiety. I am no longer the anxious perfectionist. Consequently, I’ve learned to accept things at face value and not put them up so high that I will never reach them. Being perfect is not obtainable! However, I don’t even think my family and friends even know about this because I have been holding it inward (well, now they do). I gear my perfectionism more towards an inner part of me. I don’t openly show it. But, when I make a mistake, I criticize myself, but not openly. More of like an internal criticism. I silently take it out on myself, psychologically.

Overall, I have improved my thought process over the last few years about perfectionism. If I make a mistake, then I make a mistake (nobody’s perfect;) Instead, I’m not so hard on myself. As they say, “you are your own worst critic!” (not anymore).

Well, I’m going to leave on that note and bug out. Have a good rest of day and I’ll catch you on the next post. Peace out. Until next time…

Articles