No More 'What Ifs': Are You Shy or Have Social Anxiety

Are you shy or have social anxiety? I know for a fact that I am both (or at least used to be). My shyness went away as I got older. The social anxiety is a work in progress. As I was growing up, I was extremely shy. It didn’t help that I was bullied all throughout school. I believe, when I moved out of my parents’ house and into my first apartment, the shyness went away.

It’s introvert vs social anxiety. Social anxiety started about six years ago. I isolated myself so I wouldn’t have to feel, and from that came social anxiety. I still have problems going into public places. Emphatically, I can only go in for about ten minutes before I start to have a panic attack.

Personally, I believe my shyness played a part in developing social anxiety. Because I was extremely, I naturally did not want to be around other people. The anxiety would hit me when I was around anyone. Because of the bullying, I was afraid to express my opinion for fear that I would be ridiculed. Life was not easy, that’s for sure, but I made it.

Shyness Symptoms

Could you just be shy or have social anxiety? Shyness symptoms that can vary from person to person, but here are some common ones:

Physical Symptoms:

Blushing
Sweating
Increased heart rate
Dry mouth
Trembling or shaking
Feeling physically tense or stiff

Emotional Symptoms:

Feeling nervous or anxious in social situations
Fear of being judged or embarrassed
Overthinking interactions or conversations

Behavioral Symptoms:

Avoiding eye contact
Speaking softly or hesitating to speak
Avoiding social situations or gatherings
Difficulty starting or maintaining conversations
Preferring to stay in the background

Cognitive Symptoms:

Negative self-talk or self-doubt
Overanalyzing past interactions
Worrying excessively about future social encounters

Shyness is a natural trait, but if it significantly impacts daily life, it might be worth exploring strategies to build confidence or seeking support from a professional.

Signs of Social Anxiety

Are you shy or have social anxiety? Social anxiety, also known as social phobia, involves intense fear or anxiety in social situations. Here are some common signs:

Physical Signs:

Blushing or sweating excessively
Trembling or shaking
Rapid heartbeat or chest tightness
Nausea or upset stomach
Feeling dizzy or lightheaded
Muscle tension

Emotional Signs:

Intense fear of being judged, embarrassed, or humiliated
Feeling self-conscious or awkward in social settings
Worrying excessively about social interactions, even days before or after they occur

Behavioral Signs:

Avoiding social situations or gatherings
Difficulty speaking or freezing up in conversations
Avoiding eye contact or staying in the background
Relying on alcohol or other substances to cope in social settings

Cognitive Signs:

Overanalyzing social interactions and focusing on perceived mistakes
Expecting the worst outcomes in social situations
Negative self-talk, such as “I’ll embarrass myself” or “People will think I’m weird”

Shyness in Adults

Shyness in adults is detrimental to their social skills. I don’t know when I crossed that line of being shy to communicating more with other adults. I was so consumed with what other people thought of me, and their attitude towards me, I hid.

Growing up, it didn’t matter what I thought, it was all about the other person. Basically, I put more importance on them than myself. I didn’t matter! I felt so lost as to who I was, or who I was supposed to become. So, I just floated through life aimlessly.

I remember my brother telling me once, “sooner or later, you’re going to have to defend yourself.” Those words stuck with me and changed my life. I finally took control of my life and shyness. Gradually, I became the person I had envisioned as a little girl…being proud of myself. Gratitude for life.

Anxiety in Social Situations

The anxiety in social situations had become unbearable. If you have social anxiety, work on it a little step at a time (baby steps). If you take a big leap forward, you might fall flat on your face. Patience, my friend. As I always say, “people are in such a hurry going nowhere.”

At one point in my life, I stopped going to social functions because of the anxiety. I never felt so alone in all my life. By this time, I had moved into an apartment after selling the house. It was just me and my three cats in a cramped apartment. It was a major life change, and I didn’t deal with it well.

I became a recluse, and that’s when the delusion started. Just deal with your problems as they come, don’t try to bury them like me. You never know how it will affect you in the future.

Social Awkwardness

Are you shy or is it social anxiety? Social awkwardness becomes apparent in one way when you’re struggling to make a conversation with someone. The words just won’t come into play. It also comes into play when you really want to leave the social engagement…immediately. The anxiety is bubbling towards a panic attack. By now, you’re all too familiar with those.

What if you have a panic attack in front of everyone? What would they think? You’re struggling to keep your composer, yet you’re wondering what people will think of you. Yep, that’s social anxiety!

Fear of Judgment

I have a perfect example of fear of judgment. Everytime I get comments about my posts on Nextdoor (or any social media), I think it’s going to be bad. Why? Because that’s how people judged me. There was always something wrong with me. Or, just like in the ER, they judged me based on my mental illnesses.

I doubt the fear will ever disappear unless society changes, which I don’t see anytime soon. Why do we judge other people based on their insecurities? That’s a really bad problem in the world today. Stop judging the person and accept them for who they are. I bet there would be a shift in societal indifference.

Many sufferers wouldn’t be so fearful of their diagnoses and letting other people know. Instead, they hide in their houses because of the stigma surrounding mental illness. They are not accepted as “societies norm.” I’m sorry, I could go on and on about this, because it pisses me off.

Introvert Struggles

The struggles of an introvert in today’s society are horrendous. You are an outcast. I felt like that most of my life was because of mental illness. I was an introvert at a young age because of the bullying. And it only grew because of mental illness. I hated myself for many years. I thought I was a useless human-being.

Then something changed. After my last attempt to end my life, I swore I was never going to let myself ever get that low again. I’ve held true to my word. It was in 2018 when it happened, and my life has become so much better than I could have ever imagined.

So, if you’re an introvert, life is not lost forever. You may have to zig-and-zag on life’s path, but you will be a better version of yourself on the other side. Life can be so beautiful if you’d just open your eyes.

Overcoming Shyness

Are you shy or is it social anxiety? For me, overcoming shyness was a gradual process. I had to work hard at it, but it eventually became easier. Speaking up on my opinions never felt so good. Overcoming shyness is trial and error, you’ll make mistakes, and feel like you can’t continue. But you can! Keep plugging away at it and you’ll find that missing piece to make you feel whole again.

Boosting self-esteem

So, how do you boost your self-esteem? By doing things that strengthen your ability to communicate with others. Try coming out of that shell you enclosed yourself in by having a conversation with one person. Of course, it will be easier if it’s someone you know. Once you master that, try talking to a stranger. Keep practicing until you feel comfortable and at ease. You’ve just accomplished overcoming a big roadblock.

Building self-confidence

Building self-confidence is like boosting self-esteem, just take it in stride. I built my self-confidence by practicing self-compassion. Be kind to yourself. Also, challenge negative thoughts. Pay attention to self-critical thoughts and challenge them. In addition, learn to accept rejection. Understand that rejection or awkward moments are a normal part of life. They don’t define your worth.

Shyness tips

Here are 5 quick and effective tips to help manage shyness:

Practice Deep Breathing: When you feel nervous, take slow, deep breaths to calm your mind and body. This helps reduce anxiety and makes you feel more in control.
Prepare for Social Situations: Think about potential topics or questions in advance. Having a few conversation starters can ease the pressure of coming up with something on the spot.
Focus on Others: Shift your attention from yourself to the person you’re talking to. Ask questions and show genuine interest—it takes the spotlight off you and helps build connections.
Start Small: Begin with low-pressure interactions, like smiling at a stranger or chatting with a cashier. These small steps build confidence over time.
Reframe Shyness: Instead of seeing shyness as a weakness, view it as a unique trait. Many shy people are great listeners and thoughtful communicators—embrace those strengths!

With practice and patience, you can learn to navigate shyness while staying true to yourself.

Coping With Anxiety

Could you be shy or have social anxiety? Coping with anxiety is best with talking with a therapist. They can teach you different modalities to combat anxiety. I learned many of the “tricks” to stop anxiety and panic attacks through either being in the hospital or my therapists.

Social anxiety therapy

Therapy helps you identify triggers: Therapy helps pinpoint the specific situations or thoughts that trigger your social anxiety, giving you a clearer understanding of what you’re dealing with. It also helps through gradual exposure. Therapists may guide you through exposure therapy, where you gradually face your fears in a controlled and supportive way. This helps desensitize you to anxiety-provoking situations over time.

Social skills improvement

Therapy can be a great way to boost your social skills. It can help you learn and practice things like starting conversations, keeping eye contact, or dealing with awkward moments. Plus, building these skills can give your confidence a real boost! Also, use open-ended questions: Prepare a few go-to questions that encourage others to share more, like “What do you enjoy doing in your free time?” or “How did you get into your line of work?”

In addition, focus on nonverbal communication. Work on smiling, maintaining eye contact, and having open body language. These small changes can make you appear more approachable and confident.

Social confidence building

Start small! Try low-pressure situations, like saying hi to a neighbor or asking a quick question at the store. These small wins can help you build momentum and confidence. Next, tackle those negative thoughts. Social anxiety often brings self-critical ideas like “I’ll embarrass myself” or “Everyone will judge me.” Instead, practice spotting these thoughts and flipping them to something more realistic, like “Most people are too busy thinking about themselves to focus on me.”

Also, practice self-compassion. Be kind to yourself if things don’t go perfectly. Social confidence is a skill that takes time to develop, and mistakes are part of the process. You can also celebrate small wins. Acknowledge and celebrate every step forward, no matter how small. Each positive interaction is progress.

Sum It All Up

Shyness and social anxiety are two totally different emotional responses. I lived with shyness for aHence, good portion of my life. Basically, I never defended myself when I was picked on at school. I don’t mean to make my life seem like a total wreck, because it wasn’t. I have some good memories also. Although, the shyness made it more difficult to make friends.

Social anxiety didn’t come until about ten years ago. I remember my husband at the time, and I went to one of the museums in Chicago one day. Hence, I was afraid to be around so many people. I was reluctant to go, but he talked me into it. I couldn’t wait until it was over with.

Having experienced both, I won’t say my life was hell. It just took me longer to develop socially than most people. That’s just the way I am. And for now, I am at peace with myself. Peace and always love. Until next time…