Separation anxiety disorder (or detachment anxiety disorder) is a psychological condition characterized by fear or distress when a person is separated from a particular individual, group, or place that provides them with a feeling of safety or security. In this post, I will cover that anybody can suffer from this disorder and the treatments for it. It is most commonly seen in young children who are starting preschool or daycare, but SAD can also occur in teens and adults. This disorder can manifest as separation anxiety with a partner or boyfriend.

Infant Separation Anxiety

Infant separation anxiety is a normal developmental phase that typically begins around 6-8 months of age and lasts until about 2 years of age. At this stage, infants become aware of their caregivers as separate people from themselves and may become anxious or distressed when separated from them. They start crying, clinging, or protesting when separated from their primary caregiver or when they perceive that their caregiver is about to leave. They may also become more difficult to soothe or comfort during periods of separation or have changes in their sleeping or eating patterns. Next, I will be explaining the signs of SAD.

Signs Of Separation Anxiety Disorder

Emotional Signs Of Separation Anxiety

Here are nine signs or symptoms of separation anxiety in children, teens and adults. Excessive distress when anticipating or experiencing separation from a person or animal to whom they are attached. I think that putting my cat to sleep a few months ago didn’t help my anxiety. Those last few months, I bonded more with him than his whole fifteen years that he had been with me. I mentioned in an earlier post that before he was put down, I had a really bad panic attack and I ran out of the vet’s office. It was weird because I felt like someone was making all the decisions for me. Before, I never even considered putting him down. I was pissed at myself for doing it because he still had life left in him.

Also, refusal to be alone or without their attachment figure present is the second sign.  When I was in high school,  I developed a friendship with one of my coworkers.  She was what I felt I couldn't be.  I got along with her real well because she was popular, nice looking and kind of a rebel.   I idolized her to the point where she didn't want to be around me anymore.  I was devastated and retreated back into my shell.   I didn't make another friend until five to six years later at another job and I lost contact with her too.  

Another one is excessive or persistent worry about losing a person other than the one with whom the individual has the attachment relationship.  I feel like I don't deserve friendships, that's why I don't have any now.  I worry that they'll leave me and I don't want to go through that again.  I do know, from past experiences, I suffocate them to death.  

Additionally, difficulty sleeping without the attachment figure being present is next. I spent many of nights wide awake. To be totally honest with you (and I see it now), I was very obsessed with her. That’s when I started to get into fights with my mom because she tried to tell me who my friends could and couldn’t be. I blamed her for my friend leaving, when it was really me.

Equally, frequent nightmares involving themes of separation or losing their attachment figure is the next one.  I would have nightmares about people leaving me all alone.  I just wanted to die.  I felt like I was damaged goods and that I didn't deserve any friends.  

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By the same token, refusal to go to school or work, or excessive anxiety when there is anticipated separation from a primary caregiver is next.  I was skipping school and would hang out with the friend I mentioned earlier, just so I could be around her.  I would have her call the school pretending to be my mom.  

Hence,  refusal to participate in sleepovers or other activities that involve separation from attachment figures is another sign.   I rarely ever did any sleepovers.  Sometimes, I would sleep over at my friends house across the street, but that was it.  Although, I do remember doing sleepovers at the friends house that I met at work.  I was all for that.  

In addition, clinginess or following their attachment figure everywhere, even into the bathroom follows refusal to participate is another sign.  When I was in my early teens, I attached myself to one of my second cousins.  I say attached because that's nicer than saying obsessed.  When she would talk to me, I felt like I was special because I put her up on a pedestal. I was clingy, but I never followed her into the bathroom.  I may have been 'attached', but I wasn't gross about it.  

 Lastly, difficulty concentrating or having fun when their attachment figure is not present.  Ok, maybe you can call it obsessed with the friend I talked about earlier.  I'm realizing now that obsessed is a good word to describe my actions towards her.   All I could think about was her.   I just wanted attention so bad from her.  I latched onto her and didn't want to let go. 


Physical Signs  Of Separation Anxiety

Physical complaints when separation is anticipated or underway, such as headaches, stomachaches, nausea, dizziness, or vomiting follows frequent nightmares. I never showed any physical signs in separation anxiety. My signs were more on the emotional side. Hell, I would hold my feelings down because I knew there was something not quite right with myself. I didn't want to cause any attention to myself like I had experienced in the first grade.

If separation anxiety is interfering with someone’s daily life or causing significant distress and impairment, it is important to seek the help of a mental health professional. Don’t wait for it to magically disappear like I did. Although, I was just a child and didn’t know any better.

Ten Separation Anxiety Disorder Treatments

There are many treatments for SAD. What has worked for me is therapy and taking medication. Here are ten Separation Anxiety Disorder treatments.

The first one is cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT). Like I commented in an earlier post, I didn’t learn CBT until a few years ago. It has helped me to reframe my thoughts and actions. I have continued to use it anytime I feel my anxiety increasing to high levels.

In effect, individual therapy is the second one.   I learned CBT from one of my therapists.  I finally found a therapist who doesn't just sit there and nod her head at everything I'm saying.  No feedback, I've had a couple of those.   I really like the therapist I have now because we work on problems that I'm having difficulty processing.  One of the bigger problems is the anxiety.  

Then again, family therapy is the third treatment.  I have only seen one family therapist in my lifetime and that was with my second ex-husband, before we got married.  I had talked to her about some of my anxiety and how I was dealing with it.  

Without a doubt, medication is one of the more popular treatments.   I will say that I don't think I would have come this far if it wasn't partially due to the medication.  Like I said in an earlier post that I'm taking Atavan for my anxiety.  When I can't calm down by trying other methods, I take a little extra medication.  I'm not saying that I do it all the time, maybe once or twice a month.  I'm also not saying that that is what you should do.  Talk to your doctor first.  

One the other hand, relaxation techniques follows medication as a treatment source.  Deep breathing and progressive muscle relaxation are a couple of the relaxation techniques.  I fell in love with deep breathing exercises since I incorporated it in when I have panic attacks from the anxiety.  I have problems with the progressive muscle relaxation because of the Parkinson's Disease.  Although, it would benefit me if I could stop shaking.   I can't relax my muscles.  

What's more, mindfulness-based therapy is the next treatment.  This involves being present in the moment, observing thoughts and emotions without judgment.  I like practicing mindfulness.  It keeps you in tune with your surroundings and your body.  When I was in massage school, I learned Reiki along with the massage.  So basically, there are seven ' chakras' in the body and you focus on one chakra at a time releasing any pent up stagnant energy.  You feel more in tune with your body.

With this in mind,  exposure therapy is next.  This involves gradually exposing the individual to feared situations or environments to help them desensitize and reduce the symptoms of their anxiety.  I use this every time I go to the store.  I expose myself to being in a crowded place for about 10 to 15 minutes, then I can't wait to leave. 

While exposure therapy works for those that can handle it, play therapy is good for children.  This type of therapy uses play and other creative activities to help children express their feelings and develop coping strategies.  I could have used this when I was in first grade and the teacher would degrade me in front of the rest of the class.   I wonder that if I had told somebody, would they have believed me because I was young.

Unquestionably, animal-assisted therapy is my favorite one because I'm such an animal lover.  My cat, Bree, was my animal-assisted therapy.  I haven't recovered fully from putting him down in March.  He used to rub his head in the palm of my hand when he saw I was upset.  After I put him to sleep, my anxiety got worse.  After a few months and a lot of therapy, my anxiety isn't as bad.  

 And, support groups is the last treatment.  You may be a group, type person, I'm not.  Maybe because I'm not used to talking about my problems in front of a bunch of people.  I know, they probably have similar problems.  I just can't.  I feel like I'm drawing attention to myself and that's the last thing I need.

Conclusion

Well, there you have it, some info on separation anxiety disorder. I try to give you the perspective through the eyes of somebody who has been or going through some of these challenges. I’m not a doctor or therapist, just someone who is very aware of the uphill battles that we face by being diagnosed with a mental illness. I choose anxiety because I’ve had a long battle with it even though it wasn’t diagnosed until later in my life. I believe it started when I was in first grade with that so called teacher. So, hopefully you’ll hang with me throughout this journey!

Articles

-Anxiety And Depression America Association (ADAA)

https://adaa.org/understanding-anxiety/facts-statistics

-PschyCentral

https://psychcentral.com/quizzes/anxiety-qui

“Anxiety’s like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn’t get you very far.”

— Jodi Picoult, “Sing You Home”

Have A Good One,

Cindee, One Voice – Unstoppable

“You’re not alone!”