Factitious Disorder: Symptoms and Signs of Self-Inflicted Illness

Factitious disorder: symptoms and signs of self-inflicted illness that could have ended my life. I’ll be honest with you, my personal experience with factitious disorder is one that I experienced when I was younger and not in a mental capacity to understand why I was doing this at the time.

All I knew is I loved the attention. Altogether, I tried multiple times to harm myself. Some of it was because I truely wanted to die. Other times, I just wanted someone to tell me it was going to be ok. And that’s what I got from the doctor’s and nurses.

So, what is factitious disorder (or as it used to be known as Munchasen Syndrome). The definition is a mental health condition in which a person feigns or exaggerates physical or psychological symptoms in order to assume the role of a patient.

Therefore, the individual may intentionally produce symptoms of illness, such as faking physical or psychological symptoms, in order to gain attention, sympathy, and medical care.

Factitious Disorder Symptoms

Some symptoms of factitious disorder include:

Firstly, Medical history: A dramatic or spectacular medical history
Symptoms: A collection of seemingly unrelated symptoms that may be simple but serious, such as chest pain, or more complex and elaborate
Additionally, Medical investigations: A lack of conclusive results despite intense medical investigations, or new symptoms that appear after medical tests prove negative
Deception: Pretending to be in pain, or inducing injury or disease
Diagnostic tests: Altering diagnostic tests, such as contaminating a urine sample or tampering with a wound to prevent healing
Lastly, Knowledge: Extensive knowledge of medical terms and diseases

All in all, people with factitious disorder may also hurt themselves to bring on symptoms, or be willing to undergo painful or risky tests and operations in order to obtain sympathy and special attention.

At length, I did not pretend to hurt myself, sometimes I DID hurt myself in order to receive the attention. And I didn’t care about the consequences. I could have died, but I didn’t care.

Psychological Signs

In a word, factitious disorder is a mental health condition that can involve psychological symptoms. Some psychological signs of factitious disorder include:

Mimicking mental illness behaviors. Nonetheless, people with factitious disorder may mimic behaviors associated with mental illnesses, such as schizophrenia, by appearing confused, making absurd statements, or reporting hallucinations.
Deceptive behavior. Also, people with factitious disorder may exhibit deceptive behavior, such as falsifying medical records or altering medical tests. They may also be reluctant to allow healthcare professionals to speak with their family, friends, or previous healthcare providers.
Inconsistencies in information. Patients with factitious disorder may provide information that is inconsistent with their past medical records. For example, a patient may deny having had surgeries, but physical exam findings may show surgical scars.

Other signs of factitious disorder include:

Firstly, exaggerating existing symptoms
Making up symptoms, such as stomach pain, seizures, or passing out
Causing self-harm
Presenting as ill or injured
Lastly, having a desire for attention, comfort, and protection from healthcare providers

Sometimes I would cause myself self-harm because I wanted that nurturing from a nurse or doctor and I got it. So, the scene played out over and over because I received what I thought I needed.

Someone Who Seeks Attention

Factitious disorder: symptoms and signs of self-inflicted illness that I didn’t understand. Please, don’t think ill of someone who seeks attention. For the most part, they just know they’re in desperate need of something and would do anything to themselves to get it (or fake it).

Me personally would never hurt another person during this emotional turmoil. It was always directed at myself.

Nowadays, I have chest pains every once in a while, but so far it’s due to the anxiety that I experience. Back then, I would use that to seek attention.

Particularly, for me personally, I wouldn’t make up stuff. I would wait for something to happen or make it happen myself as I have said earlier.

Define Purposely

Subsequently, I know it’s hard to wrap your mind around somebody purposely hurting themselves just for the sake of attention. You have to be in that position to completely understand it.

My first time in a psychiatric hospital, I was scared as shit. But then something happened while I was there…somebody was really listening to me.

Me of all people. That’s when it started and snow balled from there. Although, I didn’t seek attention everytime I harmed myself. Sometimes I just didn’t have the will to live.

Regardless, I have marks on my arms where I self injured to remind me everyday of what I experienced during those days. All I can do is keep learning from it.

Making One-Self Sick With Factitious Disorder

Factitious disorder: symptoms and signs of self-inflicted illness that I didn’t know what it was. Sometimes I would take a bunch of my medicines either hoping I wouldn’t exist anymore or just to go to the hospital. I knew how to play the game.

In fact, I know I shouldn’t call it a game because it is a very serious matter, but back then, I didn’t even put really deep thought into what I was doing. I felt like a drugee who needed a fix.

Ok, I did this, got this reaction, so I’ll do it again. Therefore, it was almost like an auto response sometimes.

Overall, once you got the urge (at least that’s what I call it now), there was no stopping it. It was there, it needed to be met NOW, so do something about it.

In sum, once I recieved all the attention and my needs were met, it finally subsided. I never asked for any of this, it’s just how my life turned out. But I wouldn’t be here, informing you today if I hadn’t experienced it so you understand what it was like.

Faking It With Fictitious Disorder

In any event, I was one of those that never felt I could fake any pain or other symptoms. For the most part, I always made it happen.

When the anxiety and the chest pains showed up, I was older and pretty much over my fictitious stage. I really thought I was having a heart attack.

Now I know the difference between chest pains from anxiety and chest pains due to a heart attack. But you’re probably wondering “how did I just get over having ficititious disorder?

Good question! Simultaneously, as I grew older that need (or want) for attention became less and less. It still pops up every once in a while, but for the most part it’s gone.

No Sense of Self Disorder

Factitious disorder: symptoms and signs of self-inflicted illness. You could call fictitious disorder the ‘no sense of self disorder.’ You kind of loose your sense of identity. Specifically, you get sucked into the vortex of this craving for attention from nurses and doctors.

I was heading down a path of who I didn’t want to become. In short, it was like a never ending cycle of hurting myself, getting attention, feel better, then wanting more attention a time later.

Hence, I knew I had to stop it or my life would mean nothing, especially to me. Or possibly, one of these times I wouldn’t make it. So, I made peace with myself. I decided enough is enough and for the most part it stopped except for a few times when it popped up.

I didn’t want to grow into adulthood still acting like a child with certain needs. That’s not me.

Sum It All Up

Factitious disorder: symptoms and signs of self-inflicted illness. In reality, I started to focus my cravings on positive attention and doing things that gave me a sense of self-worth. My life hasn’t turned out the way I had hoped it would, but I can say I’m still here.

I survived with the help of God. I’m not very religous, but I do believe all those times I harmed myself, but I’m still here typing this. Consequently, In my eyes, that is something to be very proud of.

What I meant by my life not turning out the way I hoped is because of Parkinson’s. In other words, that is a fork in the road that I wasn’t expecting. But I’m still alive now and that’s all that counts.

I don’t know what my future holds, but I do thank the many courageous doctor’s and nurses that have helped me over the years. Without them, like I said, I wouldn’t be typing this today.

I don’t apologize for my behavior because I wouldn’t be the best me that I am today without all that I have been through. Therefore, you have to go through the rough patches in life to get to the greener side of life. Peace be with you. Until next time…