Category: Uncategorized

Publicly embarrassed in the checkout line always seems to happen under fluorescent lights, with a line forming behind you. I remember a time when my debit card was declined. My anxiety ramped up and I started shaking. People behind me were becoming irritated. I had the cashier take off some of the groceries and the…

Trust doesn’t usually break with a loud crash. More often, it frays like a cheap hem, one tug at a time. I learned that the hard way. Not through betrayal with fireworks, but through small things: showing up late, forgetting to text back, promising I’d handle something and then “getting slammed.” Meanwhile, I still wanted…

Neglect is unfortunately very real. I felt neglected because of my mental illnesses. My family doesn’t want to be around me. Hell, sometimes I don’t want to be around me. I crave the nuturing aspect of being loved. As I was growing up, the nurturing factor wasn’t there. It comes and go’s, but lately it…

Generosity that needs a receipt is not true generosity. Have you ever helped someone and then felt the weird pull to mention it later, just so it counts? I have. And even when I kept quiet, I still waited for something. A thank you. A smile. A sign I did the right thing. That’s the…

Awe is fascinating in it’s own way. A few weeks ago I stepped outside before sunrise, mostly because I couldn’t sleep. The street was quiet, the air had that cold-clean bite, and then the sky started to change. Not the dramatic kind you post online, just a slow wash of pink that made the whole…

Revulsion, the last time I felt it was over something small. I twisted the cap off a carton of milk, expecting breakfast, and got hit with that sour, wrong smell. My stomach dropped so fast it felt like an elevator cable snapped. Then my skin started crawling, like my body wanted to unzip itself and…

Anxiety is anger looking inward. At least that’s how I felt when the anxiety would ramp up. I don’t consider myself to be a people-pleaser anymore, but I was very much so in the past. I tried to please everyone so they would be my friend. That backfired. I was used as a doormat. What…

Transcranial magnetic stimulation therapy for depression is great for treatment resistent depression, but can add up in cost if you don’t have insurance. When depression sticks around, it can start to feel personal, like you’re failing some invisible test. I’ve been in that headspace, where you try another med, you show up to therapy, you…

Vulnerability sounds like such a nasty word, but it’s not. I’ve stared at a blank text box with my thumb hovering, ready to type one sentence, then stopped. Not because I didn’t know who to ask, and not because I didn’t need it. I stopped because the word vulnerability has a sneaky way of showing…

Whimsy is a term that might not be in your most prominent vocabulary. But when it comes to Monday’s, it sure makes the day more tolerable. Monday has a sound in my house. It’s the dryer thumping, the inbox pinging, the calendar reminders stacking like plates. Meanwhile, I’m trying to look normal on a video…